My memoirs. Volume second. Chapter 14-15.

Kobrin → Outstanding persons

Chapter 14
It became better. - Guests. - Father with the sister. - Grandfather. - Cigarettes. - Noise. - Contract with peasants. - "Brothers, all right!" - Chernyakhovo. - Landowner dog. - Sir Shemet's wife. - Daughter. - The daughter runs with the lover. - As sir Shemet made to himself a fortune. - Scandal with the daughter. - She asks home. - A heavy scene at a fencing. - Shemet's end, his families and state.
Still I do not understand how I could sustain the whole month of such horror - without dream, among seriously ill, in a desert wolf corner.
Far and few neighbors were afraid to arrive to me to the estate to visit patients, even men avoided my estate. What is typhus - they, apparently, understood. There was a silence, around there was a silence heavy, dense, full of threat.
It became a little better for the wife and children, but then temperature returned again, and the smallest to me broke off heart the groans. But the smallest died soon, and even rather it was taken away - that patients did not see, did not learn …
And just, when it became better for patients, began to respond to my telegrams, and the first guests were. That is, just when they were not really necessary to me. Arrived three together - the father and the sister with the brother. But I was such tired that at me in the head it was stirred up, and having left everything on guests, I only also did that slept.
The father left at once, and the others remained for two weeks. Then there arrived on a visit the grandfather, and I am still afflicted that I did not please him with the cigarettes which are specially bought for it.
The grandfather smoked millerovsky cigarettes - for ten kopeks ten pieces. At that time it were almost most expensive cigarettes which were smoked by rich men. Of course, they were better present, the tobacco leaves costing then eighty rubles pood cost four hundred now. As well the tax then was less.
I was convinced by my shopkeeper to buy hundred cigarettes for ruble, according to him the best - it is much better millerovsky. I allowed to finish myself and bought them. But the grandfather just started back, having tried the first …
It somehow deeply and heavy afflicted me. The grandfather at me, married, - the first time on a visit, and I bought it bad cigarettes! …
Then all my guests left, and I remained in former silence, in former silence. But it did not disturb me any more. On the contrary - rest was sweet, pleasant to me, I very much, very much needed it, and in seven - eight o'clock in the evening went to sleep and slept with taste and without prosyp to eight-nine o'clock in the morning.
I all could not recover in any way.
In several weeks work in the field began. I should buy all seeds for crops - the owner is the owner, there's nothing to be done. It is necessary to plow, harrow, take out manure. But here I had just a need in everything. To take out manure, hundred carts were required - also, and for crops I had no rye.
The illness, home hospital extended from me 500-600 rubles. To dodge and turn in monetary affairs as other Jews do in need - I never tried. I did not even know how ask someone about the interest-free loan. And here - it is necessary to buy oats, barley, peas and potatoes - and to buy there is nothing …
To my one thousand koshelevsky executions one more increased. At the end of winter cows began to telitsya, and because of high cost of hay the cattle so fell in price that on calfs there were no buyers at all. Who needs calfs now? Though take and give almost for nothing. It was necessary pin up to me all calfs, and even worse - most and to eat. Grief to such food!
Gradually, gradually there passed the winter. It is heavy and lazy moved as if against will as if resisting. But at spring - force, and winter left away as a heavy dream after which with relief sigh...
After Pesakh I again as last year, signed the contract with all residents of the village. But this year I did not want to give to the village a big meadow at that price, as in the past. I wanted hundred twenty rubles in a year instead of hundred, and we did not reach agreement in any way.
I was told that all peasants expel horses on a meadow at night, and those eat my grass. And somehow time I in twelve nights went to look, whether the truth at it. It is necessary to be on an experience - it smells of a heavy loss.
And having come, met the full village of peasants, together with horses. Graze to themselves in everything, and that Fyodor, the worthless man about whom I already wrote, in all throat shouts:
"Brothers - all right!"
All jumped on horses and quickly disappeared. I remained to stand as flogged. Only for the next day went to Pruzhany, for five versts from Koshelev, to the magistrate with the claim against all village, twenty seven owners who graze the horses every night on my meadow.
Peasants right there received the agenda: to be in Pruzhany on court. And already for the next day to me all men were to settle case of a meadow. After long negotiations gave me hundred ten rubles plus twenty seven mowers. I do not know from where courage where the fear and horror of the big, evil and alien mass of men got to undertook in me? Others to me anxiously noticed later that this game is even dangerous: such as Fyodor, can just kill in a rush of hatred on the spot. It is necessary to be careful.
Summer works took place this time better. Was about more, than last year.
It gave me pleasure only for a minute, and again I began to grieve for Haskala, for books, and again I grudged the youth vanishing among men.
Well that from the fact that I will have earnings, in this desert here? What's next? And I will remain an ignoramus, and children - rough, crude … And I slowly about myself solved - better to remain a poor in the city, than to be a rich man in the desert, among wolves...
As ill luck would have it, the summer at me passed safely, and I to myself admitted that I was afflicted with it. Also it is to such an extent afflicted that regretted that refused a position of a melamed in Warsaw. Guard - the big city!.
I considered all this - and ceased to care for what will be useful for life in Koshelev. Absolutely dismissed Koshelevo. Yes - it is necessary to be chosen quicker from here
Four times a year I came to Chernyakhovo to the leader Shemet and paid it for I will eat estates. Near the country-house which was externally looking simply, but inside - very rich and elegant - very angry dog lay. Dealing to the leader, the person at first went to the Jewish tenant, and that already sent the child to spend the guest to doors of "rooms" as all very much were afraid of a dog.
I arrived so once and came at first to the tenant that that saw off me to the landowner, but did not find anybody at home. I, however, did not want to come once again and tried to pass. The dog was not visible at all. But once I approached closer the house as he from where ran out and seized me by a hand with the big mouth. The lower windows of the house at this moment were open, I jumped in a window and fell down directly a table.
On my shout the landowner was. The landowner - the young, beautiful and living woman, liked my dexterity: to snatch out a hand from a dog mouth - was miracle in half with heroism, and she right there ordered to give tea with tasty things and long held at herself.
Since then Shemet's wife, going to walk, came to me to the estate, and I was it in big good graces.
This young woman had very pretty daughter who could be taken for her little sister.
As most of landowners of that time, had sad Shemet's end. And this daughter was the beginning of the end. Despite her youth, to it already asked in marriage, and it is very strong. By then there went to them a young landowner from the Slonimsky County. To the rich this young landowner was not, but - was a spendthrift and partially as well the getter - won contracts from St. Petersburg.
To Shemet's daughter it brought expensive toys when she was only 12-13 years old from St. Petersburg. These unusual toys cost much, and it gradually attracted with them heart of the young young lady.
At fifteen-year age and at its unusual beauty, big landowners began to ask in marriage to it. But the young landowner who was called Lizansky bought her heart from children's age the rich and marvelously fine toys from St. Petersburg. Now, when it became more senior, it to it brought a new gift - four little horses costing six thousand rubles, and the small carriage with a harness from silver and gold. The young young lady very much loved horses. Horses with the carriage just fascinated her.
Old of such young son-in-law did not want Shemet. To the old man the relationship, wealth, situation was important, but the very young daughter very much liked the last gift, and they agreed about stealing, about escape … And then - business will be made, and nobody will be able to separate them …
And somehow on Friday he came to Shemet on a visit, remained late and agreed with servants, gave each of which one hundred that they were silent, would pretend that nothing is known when he kidnaps at night the young young lady. And yes was.
At two o'clock in the morning when all slept, their carriages already stood on the other side of gate, they together slipped out and went to Slonim. It left the letter to parents, inviting for the next day at ten in the morning to Slonim directly to them to a wedding …
The old man got up very early, as always, and drank to tea. At ten o'clock there was Shemetova. But when through any time the daughter did not leave a bedroom, it seemed to them strange. Here they bethought. Found the letter on a table. Shemetova fainted and cried. Lizansky as the son-in-law did not suit them. To all other he as it was accepted between young landowners, was over the head in debt. It for them was the awful blow. Old Shemet, the straight landowner of an old school, told happened as he "made a fortune": sent the serfs for earnings to Warsaw and to other places for eight rubles month, and put money in cash desk. For example, sending to work of peasants to the Warsaw citadel, it allowed one of them a whip - to beat lazy workers.
"And for whom I tried, saved up money? - He complained. - All for the child, for the child" …
On custom he sent to Lizansky the letter in which wrote that he disinherits it, leaving all to children of the brother and not a stiver the daughter.
It was not pleasant to Lizansky. It had no money. At neighboring Jews he nazanimat much and just anticipated as he marries the only daughter of very old and very rich Shemet. And all money will appear at it in hands.
It is natural that Jews lent as could widely. But when it became known of the letter, ceased to lend, and Lizansky was left without penny.
Eventually the daughter wrote to the father the letter in which desperate tone apologized. She wrote to mother separately, expecting that mother, reading the letter, of course, will burst into tears, will not look at the old, severe father and will arrive to it is reconciled: mothers always ustupchivy …
The only daughter, however, strongly was mistaken. The father wanted to hear nothing about it, and mother was also not softer.
Mother was not so disturbed, in effect, that the daughter married the beggar as the fact that she lost pleasures. She grudged a pomp, chic - that would be, marry her daughter the count. It would turn the whole world! She would like to do a bit of traveling, for example, together with the daughter on the big European cities: To Warsaw, Berlin, Paris, London, Vienna; to sew there daughters clothes; and so to walk abroad the whole year. By the way, and herself could make expensive platev and coquet at the daughter with young people.
So, the letter of the daughter did not make any success. Nobody with it was counted.
But having appeared in a bigger need and simply without having on what to live, the daughter sent the second letter in which wrote that will arrive home and from gate will spread on all fours to doors of the house and will kiss legs of the father and mother that those forgave it her a great sin.
Having received the letter, Shemet strictly ordered to servants when it arrives - that nobody dared to open gate and to let in it. And told the daughter that does not wish it to know more and if it arrives - will not let it in the house.
The very young daughter never knowing deprivations could not sustain need and arrived home despite everything. She was sure that the father will forgive her.
After arrival to the estate of the servant gate refused to open for her it. She them asked to be mercy and to let her in the estate, handled tears to the old servant who grew up it, carried it the baby on hands and before very much respected her. But now, crying together with it, it nevertheless did not let in it, having strictly told: "Is not present!".
But told Shemeta that the daughter breaks into tears, asking as about favor to let in her. What ordered to tell Shemet to that if the footman lets the young lady, he to him a stick will hurt the head.
From despair that with servants nothing is impossible, she decided to climb over a fence.
Began to get in the long dress, several times fell, but with a bigger bitterness and despair again very much clambered, breaking off a dress and scratching hands and legs about a fence nail, and got on a top.
But it was only half-affairs. To go down from a top on the earth at her exhausted and broken, there were not enough forces. It was the awful scene which only the avaricious and wild landowner could sustain.
Not in forces to go down, she rushed from height on the earth ….
And if not the peasants who came to look how the panenka slips, blood-stained, from a fence, and instinctively given hands that to pick up it - it would fall to the ground and broke.
But also so she strongly hurt and for fear fainted consciousness. Noise was made, and mother right there was. The daughter was brought round and delivered to the house, having put there to bed, as well as mother who fell into full frustration.
But Shemet sat to himself with a cigarette in a mouth and did not move a little. Told that even if the daughter will die - it will not come to her to a funeral. And that he would even want that she died.
When it became easier than the daughter with mother, they decided to go to apologize to the father. Came, and the daughter with terrible cries fell to the father in legs. Here already and mother began to cry and declared that if Shemet does not forgive the daughter, she will leave it too. Let it will remain one. With the bandit she does not want to live. And long altercated with it until he agreed to reconcile. They rose from the earth, and there came the world …
After a while mother went with the daughter to Warsaw and first of all made by it clothes for ten thousand rubles. The husband, however, in a manor was not let. Shemet did not agree to it at all, and the daughter went to Slonim from time to time.
Years through two Shemet died. Mother went crazy and too quickly died. The daughter got a big, unique fortune of Shemet which her husband, on custom, soon went through, lowered, scattered. Both of them came, of course, to a bad end, but as - I do not even know though I can assume. And probably I will not be mistaken.

Chapter 15
Seletsky "governor". - Melamed. - I receive a "good" melamed. - He does not know Hebrew language at all. - Antopol. - The second melamed. - The first does not want to leave. - Examination. - Shloymele. - Gemara's reading drawlingly pleases me. - I began to be engaged. - Fear of additions. - About the doctrine in general. - Kontorshchik. - As it is necessary to study. - My love to Shloymele. - Malechsky rabbi. - Summer in the field. - Shloymele gains strength. - The fall - Shloymele leaves. - My melancholy for Shloymele.
The second year was rainy, and again there was a lot of Sena. For the winter I did not take cows any more as in previous year, but as I was very lucky, I gained this year ten kopeks for hay pood, having gained big income from all business.
To Sukkot I went to Selets to "governor". Be not afraid, it not the governor, but the simple Jew who was so called for his wisdom, influence and width was any. I arrived to it in order that it to me got as speak in Lithuania, some good melamed which is well knowing the Tanakh and grammar of Hebrew language. I from the very beginning wanted to put training of children as it is necessary.
"Governor" sent the son-in-law in bet-midrash to find there together with me a good melamed. In bet-midrash we came to time of an after-dinner prayer. As it happens in the small town where in eyes do not see any guests, in particular, that with the guest the son-in-law "the governor came, all respectfully got up, from all directions examined us and pricked up ears to hear that here is necessary for the guest.
Among the audience I noticed beautiful young people with shining eyes which, apparently, as in days of old, were deeply absorbed by occupations.
I told that I look for the melamed knowing the Tanakh and grammar. Elderly dayan1, too being among the audience, responded that it has for me melamed what is required to me.
"Wons that young man, - showed dayan on one of the audience, - can be at you melamedy. Capable, very capable young man. Take, take it …"
I looked at the young man who at first sight was not pleasant to me: scary high, shirokokostny, with big rough hands - the real carrier …
But time dayan recommends it - and I told a dayana definitely that I look for the melamed which is well knowing the Tanakh and grammar - means, so it also is.
I right there discussed everything with the young man and we agreed: forty rubles for term all found. Also asked a dayan and a melamed to go together with me to "governor" and to drink in honor of "deal".
At "governor" in shank I asked to give good vodka with cookies and gave a dayana three rubles for mediation. Dayan told that he does not want any money, but, having a cow, would like that I, with the same subwater which right after Sukkot I will send for melamedy as we before it agreed would send chaff for a cow …
"The cow should eat", - he grinned.
I agreed to send chaff though it and will manage in the five - yes all right, let will come the way of the Jew.
The ambassador Sukot I loaded the cart with chaff and at dawn sent to Selets to "governor" with the letter on that melamed arrived the same cart to Koshelevo.
Melamed right there arrived, and in the evening of the house I had an opportunity to listen to his debut. He was engaged with my children. But from this debut at me darkened in eyes. "Melamed" just did not know the Torah. It held the big book of the Torah together with German Pyatiknizhiyem2. Also learned from there …
I, however, restrained, stood at a table and listened as he learns chapter about the Flood with the boy. But seeing that I stand at a table, melamed was confused: looks in the German Pentateuch, something mutters and thumbs through pages. Leafed through mechanically two pages and learns further, without having noticed that the sense suffered. It strongly annoyed me.
So far, on test I. took and looked just in "Bereshit" and chose from a verse of the 5th head of the 2nd and gave it that it explained me a verse which begins words: "And the person was not to process the earth". And it explained to me so: "person … glaz3 …", etc.
"And yes you are an expert!" - I hardly constrained laughter. I wanted to ask it from chapter 14. There it is told about how Abraham captured all five tsars who were at war with the Row. To Abraham there was a tsar Sodoma and Mulka-Tsedek, the tsar Shalema. And this the last, Mulka-tsedek, blessed it, speaking: "Avram Bogom God is blessed".
I ask it whether he can answer a question who such was this Barukh4-from the best friends of Abraham or Lota?
Having looked down on a table, it it is hardly heard through set teeth speaks:
"From the best friends of Abraham".
Well, here I already closed the Torah. What was farther to talk to it?
It was strong to me annoyingly on the dayan who put off to "a rough eshuvnik" the ignoramus under the guise of a melamed. It is good dayan - there is nothing to tell. I needed to go to Antopol - the town known for the scientists and rich men.
I arrived to Antopol in the evening and right there as it is necessary, went in bet-midrash. There young people sit and are engaged. I tell them for what I arrived, and about trouble with that melamedy.
"Melamed who is not knowing Hebrew …"
All laughed.
I noticed at a table of the young man with a hand and a lilac scarf on the revealed Gemara - against devils that could not study according to her meanwhile. And after I told everything, this young man asked me to pass on a female half to share with me a secret. And there, being with me confidentially, told that it - from Kaments that call him Shloymo and that he is a son-in-law of a brissky dayan and is known as iluy.
But actually the secret consisted in the following: he is the only son and has to be on an appeal. But being afraid that will not be among exempts, it avoids an appeal. Here, in Antopole, he is engaged with the rich young man and takes seven zloties a week, including Saturdays. He can even receive the place of a melamed in the village at a rich eshuvnik on eighty rubles for term and all found, but does not want to go to any village to an eshuvnik.
But knowing my family, he would be glad at me to lodge. In the village it is safer.
"Only I have to ask you, - it bent to me with special gravity, - whether you have in the house a Talmud?"
"Is available".
"Whether it is quiet at you?"
"Quietly".
"If so, - he told, very happy, - I with great pleasure to you will go". And at the young man the person - very nice person brightened up. In each its movement the person, capable to occupations, was visible, and I was very glad too. First, at me will be good melamed, secondly, will be with whom to spend time in long winter evenings in our big desert. I shook hands with it, we agreed and returned in bet-midrash.
In a bet-midrasha there was already after-dinner prayer. From words and from a melody the grief spread, and I involuntarily remembered my kind, delightful, carefree childhood.
After an evening prayer I returned to myself to tavern. Shloymo was already there with things (so to him it was not suffered) and with several young people who came to see off me.
I harnessed a horse, sat down in a britska and took reins in a hand. Reins very much imposed my melamed. He them at me visors also began "to drive" the horse. It obviously gave it great pleasure. He was excited how the child - for the first time held reins in hand …
Young people quite far saw off us, is obvious to us envying - more true, envying fast driving, change of places that is so delightful in youth.
We arrived to Koshelevo late night.
But there the first still sat "melamed", and I still should have dealt with it that was hard business.
I laid Shloymele as the only son to sleep, and itself sat down to write the letter to "governor".
In the letter I well lectured it for "gift" with which it awarded me. Just broke heart. How it is possible to do it? All the same that to kill the person.
Having written the letter, I went to sleep with thought too that tomorrow there has to be an end.
For the next day since morning I ordered to harness a horse to send "gift" back to Selets to "governor" together with the letter …
"Melamed", however, did not wish to go and with tears in the eyes appealed to mercy, asked to allow it to train my children.
"How I so will leave?" - he asked.
"How it I will leave you?" - I asked.
But speak so, speak syak - without advantage. It is impossible to talk over it.
I saw that I can think up nothing here, and suggested it to go with my letter to Malech to the rabbi. What that will solve, I also will execute.
The fool agreed to it. He was sure that I just am incited against it. I attributed several words for the malechsky rabbi - about original things - and he left, feeding great expectations.
Rabbis of that time had a lot of time, and the malechsky rabbi comprehensively surveyed my Hebrew (the letter was written in sacred language). And as my language was pleasant to it, and even very much, he addressed actually business.
After long reflections the rabbi decided that it is necessary to listen to a melamed publicly in the shul and to define whether he knows the Torah. Melamed was also happy with it … In small places there are no secrets, and my letter became known there. All Jews of the town came to examination to a melamed.
This fool, melamed, was in shul that listened to him. And did not come to its mind that it will suffer shameful failure there. However, business did not reach examination. Already at an entrance in shul the youth of the town threw it dirt and shouts:
"Koshelevsky melamed! … Koshelevsky melamed!"
The end already consisted in such beginning. Who would begin to examine him now?
It - back to the rabbi that that gave it the letter to me. It is clear, that it had no shame.
The young man was to me with the letter. The rabbi wrote: "Under the law he deserved from you only slap in the face - the ignoramus should not undertake training of children in the Torah. But if you wish to give it money - give, to the top of the bent". All right - I put to small ten and finished this ridiculous business.
Ridiculous business did not break to me this time heart as terminated in the fact that I got Shloymele - very nice young man and the expert Uchenya who simply recovered me in this desert.
I provided it the room for occupations and a dream, "big as the field". And day and night its voice flew, marvelously softening our hearts, and I remember that I envied it: what pleasure - to be able and want to be engaged! It was very happy too: the quiet, spacious room, a good attitude and is a lot of food.
Food - important circumstance. Earlier he ate so a little!
Except pleasure from its occupations, from delightful, drawlingly, Gemara's reading which I heard at myself in the room he also often reminded me my kind, cheerful young years when I day and night was engaged, "collected coins" and built palaces of other world …
Where all this now?
The fact that it was so delightful, so good that I sometimes cried with sweet and hot belief. I had my great God, wonderful other world and the purpose of life: I will be a rabbi, I will be a righteous person, I will live day and night in presence of God. Everything for me will be reliable also light-it is only necessary to grow.
Yes - it is only necessary to grow.
But - besides: where all this now?
Now I - the Jew burdened with cares, the father of family with Koshelev in addition, have to thresh a harvest, pour grain in a barn - and to muzhichit, muzhichit, muzhichit …
But Shloymele awakened in me desire to be engaged, again to return by those expensive young years. And I decided to get rid quicker of the work, to become free and to undertake Gemara.
Having solved it, I right there ordered more threshers, paid more expensively and drove more workers. For the owner it was not really practical step … But I wanted to be engaged.
Shloymele, besides, as if lectured me - why I am not engaged. He still did not understand at all that and what means "to earn such yoke a living".
"As so, - he was surprised, - you have to be very capable to the doctrine. In Kamentsa you have a name. I do not see something that you took Gemara in hand!.
Go now and explain to him that all this does not concern the owner that for the owner it is far more important to raise prices of corn, to employ day workers cheaper, to expose cows on manure, etc.
For me there was a question - where to study. It is boring to study most at home. It is terrible to study with it … I did not hold 8-9 years in Gemara's hand and being engaged with him in one room, I can strongly swear at one another … Here, where an unsoluble question - I, of course, already forgot everything.
These questions quite strongly disturbed me. Then I decided that I have to get somewhere the small Talmud format and slowly at home to examine itself. For examination to take those treatises which are learned by him. I will know so as there is at me a business, and I will issue myself the certificate …
Shloymele learned sixteen hours a day. Learned without additions and without vykrutas - simply and directly. Went from a leaf to a leaf as the good colonel in the battlefield, and in several weeks passed we do not give, Nazir, a sota, gittin, and stopped on the treatise kiddushin5.
Having received that it is necessary for me - the small Talmud format - I slowly made the way to myself to the room and became myself with big fear to examine …
Attentively there passed one leaf, the second - goes as the fact that I am Jew! Having already grown bolder, I move further, and the farther - the better. Further away - it is even better. And if so - I already felt confident in myself, curtailed from a direct road and addressed difficult additions.
I once loved these additions though they did not differ in big simplicity and clarity. They contain difficult, dark secrets of Gemara. But pleasure - to draw these secrets from there, to open them, to clear up, untangle as a dense big ball.
Well, I solved - on additions my cart will stop. But as I was struck, having convinced that my cart runs on the confused additions easily, as on mirror smoothly snow way. There is a business!
In only one place it strongly got stuck as chained. I push, I push - from the place. What to do? I wrinkle a forehead - and so, and syak, I attack very much additions. Nothing leaves. I see that all my efforts are vain. And here I suddenly decided - what to hesitate to me? It is told: "And not bashful to study" 6. I got up, came to Shloymele and asked:
"Explain to me, please, with the road melamed, so and so".
He looked what I ask about, and began to explain to me. But I see that he wants here put more to confuse, than to clear. Simply subtilizes and confuses.
Among the Lithuanian experts there was such method: at first to learn all Talmud superficially. Then, having become already in it the expert, to learn more deeply, fully, and instead of sophistication and complication to look for true sense in each question. My Shloymele, obviously, was at that moment at the level of the expert, still before to pass to the level of bigger complexity.
Now he tried to twirl to me the head assumptions and pilpulem7 I, however, did not lag behind, and three hours in a row we battled over additions. When it became clear that his answer does not correspond to the question asked by me, he almost gave up.
"Oh, Shloymele, the brother you mine", - patted I him cheerfully shoulder.
"No, wait still", - he responded cheerfully.
I was happy for two reasons: first, I should not hesitate of it now, and secondly, I should work: nevertheless he knew much and surprisingly was svedushch in the Talmud.
These additions through which both of us could not make the way very much attracted me, and I wanted to go about them to the malechsky rabbi - so far as it is about knowledge - it is not necessary to be lazy.
And for the morning I went to Malech to the rabbi. The rabbi resolved my problem, but also is not absolutely clear - that is resolved half, and I left home happy also half.
It is not enough who studies thoroughly. The rabbi passed the Talmud superficially, hasty.
On the road from the Malechsky rabbi I home passed by forest office. The Polish Jew, the Hasid who married recently the daughter to a capable eshibotnik was Kontorshchik. I stopped a horse and dropped in to the young man whom found behind the doctrine. Also I see that it is in the beginning of the treatise Kidushin too. But if someone is in the beginning, then do not cost my efforts with it to discuss. And I left.
In several weeks, on the way to the malechsky rabbi, I came to the young man again - can, I after all can have a talk with him on the same subject.
But I saw that for last several weeks it progressed in the doctrine no more, than on four leaves of Gemara, and thought that he learned something else and when asked it about it, he answered:
"No, I learned only the treatise Kidushin".
"What means, - I was surprised, - you learn one leaf of Gemara a week?"
He answered:
"I sit and I reflect over difficult for questions. I approach to difficult through a lung".
I was surprised even more.
"What means - you sit and reflect over difficult questions? You can sit so for years - and the doctrine will be gone? At first it is necessary to pass all Talmud, and then to go deep into questions".
"At us in Poland study so …", - he answered absolutely quietly.
I shrugged shoulders and left.
Too to me doctrine. Certainly, it is a bad and impractical way. I in the end was disappointed in the Polish eshibotnik. The Polish eshibotnik trudges slowly and uselessly. But Lithuanian Jews too quickly run the Talmud in this first time.
Instead of haste - it is more attention, depth, - would leave to more sense.
The son of my uncle Lipe by fifteen years so knew six hundred sheets of Gemara that many times amazed the most great experts. His own father-in-law, for example, checked him thus: stuck a needle in Gemara and asked on what problem there is a tip. Having attentively looked, having frowned and dumav, the boy hit the mark.
He was scary diligent, was engaged for eighteen hours a day. Had memory supernatural, tremendous. And nevertheless he understood Gemara superficially, superficially in spite of the fact that knew her all by heart. And when married, it was necessary to go to it to the belostoksky rabbi reb Lipele - to ask it for suggestions how now to study. He knew the Talmud, but thoroughly did not understand, and reb Lipele advised it how to acquire knowledge by deepening, comprehension of sense.
Thanks to reb Lipele the young man achieved the objectives.
And I thus was gradually involved in the doctrine under the influence of mine to a dorogogoshloymela.
To the Malechsky rabbi I already went all winter on two times a week. I well worked. But at the same time came to a sad conclusion that any I am not the expert and any not maskil. Neither that, nor another. I stand in the middle of the road - not there and not here. It is clear, that from outside it seems that I am God knows what expert. And this delusion sometimes to me will deeply wound heart.
And as always at me - it is impossible to do anything.
But anyway - the winter gave me a lot of pleasure. I was happy. The income at me, as usual, was collateral business, collateral thought. And it was better for my brain to soar in the highest spheres of Gemara.
This Shloymele strongly stuck to me to heart. Very lovely young man, very honest, very hard-working, very silent and - quietly and imperceptibly influencing other person. And still I sometimes miss it.
I remember how on Pesakh I so played a trick on him that it is still a shame to me. We sat on a seder. Welded on and baked only much. For the first days I killed three big calfs, apart from a turkey-cock whom there was a wife.
My Shloymo, thank God, densely ate. afikomana8 I strongly exaggerated its share and when it was necessary to eat it, I saw that Shloymo beyond its powers...
But being very devout, he tried to eat. Seeing that he just about will overcome this big piece of matzo, I to it imperceptibly move still a piece, still a piece - that is, all it afikoman. Shloymele ate, ate, did not turn pale yet and did not run out on a terrace …
There pulled out it.
I do not know, how is today my darling, my good Shloymele. But where it was, he has to forgive me. God the witness that then I from love and from pleasure drank too much … The Jew quickly gets drunk.
The winter came to an end, field works began. The sun, the wood, fresh air tore off even Shloymele from Gemara. Both of us were not engaged any more. Went to the field to be refreshed on the sun, rode, absolutely, as landowners. By the way, in riding he not really shone. He, the poor creature, very much was afraid of horses … Though they also attracted it - as all weak are attracted by health and force.
So there passed the whole summer. Shloymele was more in the field now, than to Gemara. The sun warmed its stiffened blood, it all regenerated. He saw that the sun, air, the wood and work in the field is important things too.
And thanks to Shloymele, I did not notice at all how the summer flew by. And already the fall, smells month elyul9. Leaves turn yellow, leaves fall.
And just before new year Shloymele, to my great cardiac pain, left home. It was caused on the military commission. The father changed it an appeal this year. After its departure for me the awful melancholy attacked, and I long could not calm down. For this young man at me heart was covered with blood.
Somehow soon after its departure I in the Ha-Melits newspaper to which I subscribed read correspondence from Grodno that kamenetsky ilyuya alienate Shloymo in soldiers that it - on a billeting in Grodno. And all Grodno for it tries. News made a painful impression on me. But right there I calmed down: To Shloyma really released - so Grodno community appreciated him and was sorry.

1 The judge in religious court.
2 The German translation of the Pentateuch the Jewish letters made by M. Mendelssohn (1773-1783), supplied with comments in the spirit of Education and causing complaints of orthodox circles.
3 The error of a melamed is based on similar sounding ("Ainu") in a bible verse of the word "no" and the word "eye".
4 Value of own name Baruch - "blessed", i.e., in a fragment was not speeches about any Baruch, and about blessing.
5 I.e., vows, asceticism, adulteress, stains … marriages
6 (Lectures of fathers, 2,5), i.e., the one who hesitates to ask about what he does not know will not progress in occupations.
7 Pilpul - one of logical methods of research of laws of the Torah, the Talmud and ravvinistichesky literature. The concept comes from the word "pilpel" - pepper - a hint on sharpness and elegance of the discussions which were followed by a peculiar dialectics, the witty and thin analysis of various galakhichesky provisions and problems. During the different historical periods the method enjoyed bigger popularity among experts (e.g., from the middle of the 15th century to the middle of the 16th), smaller - since the beginning of the 19th century. Having arisen from aspiration to a refinement of mind of pupils and with the purpose to accustom them to independent thinking, gradually degenerated in fruitless scholasticism, causing complaints of many religious authorities.
8 A piece of matzo which at the beginning of an easter meal is put under a pillow on which the host and which is eaten at the end of a seder leans.
9 The last month of the Jewish calendar - from the middle of August to the middle of September.



My memoirs. Volume I



My memoirs. Volume II





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