My memoirs. Volume second. Head 3-4.

Kobrin → Outstanding persons

Chapter 3
Again doctrine. – Deception. – My trip to Brisk. – Halbershtam. – Lie. – I go to Bialystok. – Trip. – "Eight persons". – Carrier. – To me it is close. – I do not feel legs. – Dirt. – The wheel broke. – "Hunters". - Nearly died. – Bialystok! – Aunt. – Letter. – My weakness. – I go home. – Nonsense. – Again houses. – There is a wish to travel. – Warsaw.
By then I time forever decided that I should "abandon" the wife and the son and to go to study.
For my wife all this was heavy. She is an orphan, without mother and the father, with the child on hands. As I can leave it on the parents while mother is interested in nothing, except the "Duties of hearts", and the father to it absolutely grew cold.
For me it was the big question, and I very much it suffered. Any business I did not approach as was a noble origin, that is occupations by trade did not ought to me. I was also a "adult", solid person and could not swindle, and in this sense also – the most correct was – to study what I wanted for a long time.... By means of education I will also be able to support the wife.
It seemed to me that from me rather educated person capable can turn out as it befits to support the wife and the child. Having undertaken it, I through three-four will terminate years, of course, my occupations and I will be a wealthy person. To become, for example, the rabbi, it is necessary to work ten-twelve years, and then it is possible not to find places. And I knew from practice that the one who though terminated something – is already provided with earnings and became stronger in the decision more and more. In the village, - I thought not without vanity – all of us will coarsen, we will be gone. It is solved: whatever was, let I will suffer, starve, need, but I will not remain the ignoramus. My wife agreed with me, but only externally. I understood that in soul it would be better an eshuvnitsa, the owner of tavern or the lessee – that it would be actually easy for us to receive through the grandfather. But she also knew that I long will not sustain it. And therefore agreed.
It was very difficult to begin. How to leave the wife at the father-in-law and the mother-in-law where it will be lonely and not really pleasant to her? I am better than nothing did not find. But what to do? It is necessary to go, and I decided to deceive her (for the sake of the doctrine – it is possible …), to invent some trip, to leave for few weeks, having taken with itself a few things. For example, I will go to Brisk where my old acquaintance maskil will show me how to undertake it.
It was my second trip to Brisk for the sake of the doctrine. In the same city there lived my rich, hospitable aunt, as well as the friend, Shmuel Mayrims with whom we often philosophized. In youth it was real ilyuy, the clever and original expert. And besides, on old custom, fasted on Mondays and Thursdays during a holiday of Shavuot at public reading eight fragments from the book of Shmot, every Friday and ten days pokayaniya1. But after a wedding became maskily, very free and critically conceiving, and became famous as apikoyres. This Shmuel convinced me too to study what he very much would like, but could not because of the shop of scarfs where, as ill luck would have it, affairs went absolutely not bad.
"I would like to be poor better, but formed", - he said.
We agreed with it that I will go to Bialystok which then was in these parts Haskala's center. Zabludowsky's son-in-law Eliezer Halbershtam, Berlin maskil, undertaken to educate all belostoksky young people was at the head of belostoksky Haskala. Cost to it it is several thousand rubles a year. He also received for this purpose large sums of money from the acquaintances maskily and merchants and though itself was a manufacturer of scarfs, but more the was engaged in Haskala, than factory. Case was processed by his wife, the beautiful hostess, and it went about the own business, trying to push away youth from a bet-midrash and to illuminate it. Money as it is told, were not sorry.
In those days – at the time of Halbershtam – in Bialystok there were tens of divorces. Testya parted the sons-in-law - from those who were before experts and God-fearing Jews and turned in "apikoyres". In Bialystok the real revolution was made, and the city became well-known as the city of apikoyres occupied by Haskala and education.
My second acquaintance, too maskil, a certain Bergzon, gave me the letter to the belostoksky state rabbi, maskilyu too, and just to Halbershtam's friend where wrote that I still do not know Russian at all - I do not know anything, except the Talmud. But, as it seems to it, from me it can turn out good maskil: the young man from the village where it is possible to earn a living, with such enthusiasm is torn to education. It is necessary to help it …, etc., etc.
Now, when the plan was defined as to me to go towards my aim, I went home, considering on the road how to deceive the wife. I will tell that I go to Bialystok for about two weeks. For what composed very big and difficult lie: as if my aunt from Bialystok, mother's sister, the rich woman, asked the relative of the husband who goes to Brisk, to stop by at Vakhnovichi and to look whether is valid I such capable young man as they speak about me. If yes, it captures me to Bialystok where it, the aunt, will already get to me the good place with which I will be happy. And I as if just met this relative who was going to Vakhnovichi in Brisk, it was pleasant to it, and he to me suggested to go home behind things and to go directly to Bialystok.
Lie big and difficult. To tell the truth, it was difficult for me to lie for the first time in life. It for me was worse than death. From one thought of it I, sitting in the country cart, strongly reddened. And all road struggled with himself and suffered: whether to tell my wife such big lie and to become but the educated person or to remain an eshuvnik in the village, among peasants and pigs? But I myself overcame, having resolved to execute the plan.
Having arrived home, I right there told the wife great news: so a pier and so - matter, good luck, a sudden meeting with the aunty's relative in Brisk, it to me an arrangement, etc.
"Great news" made impression on the wife, and to me it became even heavier at heart how the wife, the poor thing, in vain is excited with it.
Naturally, I promised to take away it to Bialystok, very beautiful city full of scientists and the educated people and so forth advantages. The wife remained quiet and happy, and I could get ready for a trip on legal grounds, take all necessary things, be packed and - to leave.
All road my tears - with pity to my wife deceived and left alone were shed and shed.
In Brisk I saw the of a maskilyama and right there employed to Bialystok which is in eighteen versts from Brisk, the tarantass harnessed by the three of horses. The payment from the person was ruble fifty.
But my trip to Bialystok turned out such interesting, and also such heavy – so once went – that it is worth describing it in detail.
When I asked the carrier how many people he will take in a tarantass, he answered:
"Eight …"
Eight people – except the goods including iron, packages, barrels, bags and t.p! I offered it three rubles of "fee" that it took less people. Otherwise it was possible to choke. My carrier agreed. At once after departure in a tarantass six people already sat. At the same time – the mass of goods and about any convenience there could not be a speech any more. And I already felt absolutely clamped. Also began to complain:
"Allow, I gave you twice more money that went to less people, so has to go to less people. You told that we will go four together?"
"And what you want, - the carrier answered with not too polite tone to me, - that I for your several rubles supported three horses with the wife and six kids – not a row be are remembered?" ….
I am silent. Through several versts to us two more persons, and to High increased that in six versts from Brisk, in a tarantass, thank God, already sat, having been double up, the whole ten souls – old Jews, Jews, molodukh, maidens, guys … Sat one on another, that shouts: oh, a leg, another – a hand. Already nobody knows where his legs, and the carrier shouts: "But, but!" - having, except passengers, probably, of freight of poods hundred. Besides – autumn time, a rain, dampness. Horses do not go, dirt as thick porridge. Horses do not pull the cart, he whips jades, beats, urges on – so far they did not become absolutely. Also stand. The carrier asks all to descend.
"… you do not see dirt …", - it rushes with a whip to us and to horses.
Began to be chosen one by one. Shout rose, then all at once ceased to shout and began to feel already legs and hands, and all members. But, My God, - as they hurt: at that flowed legs, another – has pins and needles in a hand, at that – a side, and the carrier shouts:
"Move, noble misters whether it is necessary to get out of the carriage!"
But all should have got out somehow as horses absolutely became – and from the place. The carrier shouts again:
"Brothers, strike a little, help! Not that we will get stuck on shabes here!"
I the first pushed the cart though days did not feel either hands, or legs. I was quite healthy guy, but all stones at me ached. But what to do – it is necessary to help to push. Thank God, horses got out of dirt.
"And well give back in a van! – the carrier ordered, – we go". But there was a new trouble: everyone wanted to occupy the place better. Began to battle with each other. Big fight against abuse so it was possible to become deaf from shouts began.
I did not want to climb in a van at all. There would be a business in the afternoon, I would go on foot better. But night, I do not know the road, and my things – heavy. I stand and I wait until terminate to be at war and will take seat somehow to be attached in a van and to go. But war there was no end. Above and above voices flew up until the carrier cried by a wild voice:
"In a minute sit down!"
And right there – is softer, with an easy jeer, added:
"Dear misters, take seats in places, I as you see, am going to drive horses, and you will remain to lie in dirt here. What to be at war, misters good! How to sit - if only to sit".
Shouts of the carrier helped. The people somehow took seat, and I got on a trestle and settled near the carrier there, having lowered legs and strong keeping not to fall. To fall God forbid – you will break to death. So I passed several versts. It is clear, that did not feel either hands, or legs and all wetted through. Inside on me at least the rain did not pour.
So we arrived to the village and stopped at tavern. Here groans, as in hospital among seriously ill were distributed …
"Oh, hands … oh, legs … oh, head! …"
In tavern damp and darkly, the small oil lamp burns. Peasants with peasants sit at a big table, drink vodka, having a snack on black bread. On big, long benches lie and snore. Here – the Jew, the Jew, and there – Goya. There is no place to have a rest, there is no place to lie down. The big furnace is occupied too.
Only hostess with servants standing. The carrier enters and shouts (to speak quietly, he, apparently, is not able):
"Good evening. Is at you, the hostess to eat something for me and my passengers?"
"And what you want?" - the hostess asks ingenuously.
"What means – what we want? – the carrier deafens by the shout the room. – Tell what you have, and we will ask people what they want! Here I have the whole a lot of different people. One – ragamuffins, but others, seemingly, - decent owners, decent young people (gesture by a hand in my party). What do you want, the young man? – he addresses me. Three rubles given it by me are vain – nevertheless influence.
"To me to tea", - I say.
Meanwhile all our "passengers" settled – who on the earth who – on a bench piece. The servants kindled fire in the furnace, put a big pot of water for tea. The carrier ordered the passengers. And only he let out cry: "People, we go to eat!" – right there went to wash hands before food. But water was not. He ordered to one of the passengers more poorly who paid less than others for a trip to bring together with servants of water. Right there brought waters. There was no free table, however. Peasants with peasants drank there and sang. The carrier shouted to the hostess:
"That there was a table!" …
But where it will take a table? Right there made the plan: to put a board on a barrel that served as a table. Sent poor passengers to bring a barrel with two dostochka, and the table turned out.
But not all could eat. Herring was put too much salt and badly smelled. There was no spoon, waited for one another, tired and exhausted. Only I did not eat anything. Did not climb in a throat. There was a wish only to tea. But tea was not, only hot water with leaves from a broom.
Having somehow supported, all got into a tarantass again – it is better to occupy the place – again fight, a crush and if not fear of the carrier, would fight to death. I climbed on a trestle again, but saw the new passenger who occupied my place there. I already had no place to be stuck, it was necessary to argue with the carrier:
"Rab Yakov, you from me received three rubles and promised that we will go four together. Let there will already be eight, ten, hundred, one thousand souls, but give me at least a place piece where to bend the head!"
This time the carrier felt to me pity and ordered:
"Misters, make for the young man room! You before it anything! It gave me three rubles! …"
And just began to pull everyone by hands and for legs, without paying attention – whether the Jew it or the Jew, a molodukha or the maiden.
The public, however, was not given. On the contrary – noise was made. All cried:
"Watch what gentle! Stay at home if such gentle!"
"Revolt" against the chief – against the carrier began. Just threatened to tear apart it on pieces.
"You what take so many people! – snatched on it. – You have for them no place. And if took, then do not take too gentle at whom else milk on lips did not dry …".
Listening to this abuse, I told the carrier:
"Better I will go on foot …"
The carrier inspected me the sharp, derisive eyes:
"That I so lived, you are a clear head. It is better to walk, than to be restricted as herring in a flank … Rough go … better here – on foot …"
It was necessary to accept this "friendly" council and to go near the cart. I was warmly dressed, it was difficult to go uphill, and from above – drizzled, and I got wet. Over a dam heels clung to roots, and I peeled heels together with soles. And here I already go on roots barefoot. But same it is impossible. To me pricks legs. I any more nearly cried and began to ask to make for me some room in a van. The carrier with passengers took pity, moved and gave me some town. We passed two versts, lying so writhed, squeezed as herring in a flank, and everyone about himself hoped that just about we will arrive to tavern where the carrier will feed horses, and we though at several o'clock will straighten our squeezed, numb bones.
But to the God's help so it happened that at a van the wheel broke. We turned over and fell out outside of a van at each other. This miracle that there was very big dirt there, differently we could break.
Men on women and vice versa – shouts, groans fall. Someone fell down me the head down. It hit the head, and I – heart. Women cry, men groan. The carrier especially groans over the heavy loss. He waited until all calmed down a little and told tone more softly:
"Misters, I ask you, help me to remove the broken wheel from a van. It is necessary to carry it in repair … to the next village.
Passengers complain:
"We exhausted broken by a trip and falling, nekormlenny, not given to drink, we have no force to help".
The carrier begged:
"Be merciful, to me still to go and go with the horses. I am afraid that I will not come back home till Saturday".
All right – what to do. All undertook a wheel. But it is too heavy. What to do? The carrier suggests to pull down one iron rods and other heavy luggage that it was easier to remove a wheel. And made. The carrier left with a wheel, having left us on the empty road with a van, with horses as robinzon on the island.
To be left on all night long in the field, in cold and in the dark, without food and drink, as in the desert – not the most pleasant thing. Already third day we go! And people - what mash - nothing the general with each other as goods in shop, we cannot watch at each other.
Night seemed such long as Jewish ganut. Gradually, as if with a great effort, began to dawn, and there is no carrier with a wheel everything. Neither answer, nor greetings. Here I gave a vote:
"Jews, what to us to sit here, in this van, without food and drink? Who with me goes to look for the carrier?"
"Hunters" were called, and we went to the next village. We ask whether the carrier with a wheel appeared. Answer that without having found the smith, the carrier went to other village.
We too there were dragged and, thank God, found it at the smith there. Only in four mornings the wheel was ready. Having returned to a van, found old men and women in tears – it became badly for hunger. More than a day there was nothing in a mouth any more - either food, or drink! Six souls killed with such troubles were dragged to Bialystok on foot – for five versts. After all tortures we too, at last, hardly dragged. The lovely trip took more than four days!.
I came to the aunt absolutely broken, without feeling either hands, or legs. The aunt was frightened, decided that I am sick.
"What is with you, Hatskele, - she threw up the hands, - I will call the doctor". I speak:
"No doctor is necessary. I am healthy. But, the aunt, a trip finished me …".
I was similar to the devil. The aunt, very goodhearted, strongly because of me worried. Two days I lay broken in a bed, without feeling either hands, or legs. Having a little recovered, I told it how I went to Bialystok, and asked to think up for me some occupation. Told that would like to settle here, and I think, it could help me with it. About the aspiration to Haskala I kept silent. To blurt out right there about Haskala before such God-fearing Jew it would be silly. My kind and God-fearing aunt considered the educated people by the presents of a goyama and bad people. She hinted me that such things are not done quickly. At first write the letter and ask whether it is worth arriving whether there will be some business. But now, of course, already late to speak.
"Time you already here, be at me and calm down, and as for business, with it it is worse. For business it is necessary to have several thousands of rubles which you do not have. Too it is difficult to receive some position. You are a young man, just from Gemara. Nobody knows you, and you know nobody. By the way, you do not know neither Polish, nor Russian. Except as to absolutely small position, it is impossible to count on anything. But nothing – do not lose courage, the Lord will help …
The aunt spoke long, but I thought absolutely of another.
After day off, it is remembered, I went to the state rabbi with the letter from Bergzon. Having read the letter, it accepted me friendly and asked to come to it on Tuesday. He has to talk to Halbershtam and hopes that I will achieve the objective. I came back home in more cheerful mood.
On Tuesday I came to the state rabbi again. He right there told me good news: Halbershtam is ready to support me until the end of the doctrine and invites to it to come. At personal acquaintance we will consider together how to organize my doctrine. It is possible to imagine how I was delighted, having achieved at once the objective! Came to the aunt, shining with happiness. Solved – let her know that I was going to study. For it it is filth, similar to pork. But nothing, I thought - here I will terminate to study - she will be glad. Even fanatical Jews appreciate doctors, lawyers and engineers with diplomas - still as appreciate! And even they are envied. They hate only educated beggars who do not have any diplomas. Such they consider apikoyresam and than got on light.
And I just told it how I got acquainted with the state rabbi what I need this acquaintance and as the rabbi for will present me local rich maskilyu which will help me, will specify a way to education, etc.
News was for it as a knife in heart: "A-and, - it was thrown up, - so it is the state rabbi with Halbershtam are going to help you! These idlers, the apikoyresa which are forcing down youth about the ways which ruined all Bialystok! Oh, hubbub!"
And it dispersed more and more. Besides, I received on Saturday from the wife very sad letter – how the father on her annoys that it released me to Bialystok, this godless city. He is afraid, as if I did not descend from a way true there. He - in blank despair, goes absolutely lost and convinces the wife to return back me to Vakhnovichi.
He even asked for the help my mother on whom he at all never consulted about anything, having decided to arrange with her help so that my wife brought me from Bialystok back to the village. He told mother about this Halbershtam, the "big apikoyres" spending money like water to turn all belostoksky young people in apikoyres. It led already to hundreds of stains. Therefore he very much worries that Hatskel did not become apikoyresy.
"You know Hatskel, - he inspired in it, - he always liked to ask questions, even about such high objects as belief. Is not enough only that he got acquainted with Halbershtam! Hatskel already now half apikoyres, gets to the bottom of everything, and Halbershtam just looks for such as Hatskel. His wife is guilty – the mistress became. Does not want to hold some shanks or rent. My heart shivers. It is impossible to release the young man to the godless city. It is a poison. It is impossible".
Of course, he so specially spoke, dealing with the woman.
"Therefore – my council: you have to influence his young wife that she brought it back so. Nothing – if the wife wants, she will make it".
Roughly my delicate father could not behave with the daughter-in-law. And it now, for the sake of belief and Jewry charged this piece of work to my mother. And my mother – let will be her light paradise – tried …
It is clear, that I right there received the big letter in which my wife in detail described all misfortunes and troubles she gets which houses.
The letter it made big impression on my silly brain. I so turned pale that the aunt was even frightened and God knows that thought. I gave it the letter, and so far she read it, on a face it had a smile. She understood that in the letter such medicine which will bring me from Bialystok back home is concluded.
And this letter prevented my hopes, my one and only purpose. I was very young and very silly and is proud decided that I have to reject all the fine imaginations about education, the doctrine, diplomas. Let everything go as goes. Everything was gone. I cannot and I do not dare to kill the person. And my wife will die there. I have to come back home. I will not see either the rabbi, or Halberstein any more.
Yes, I go home.
I wrote to the rabbi the letter in sacred language … As, - so I began the letter, - my father is very sick (lie again), I am forced to leave as soon as possible and I have even no time to say goodbye to it. Never he is extremely grateful for his kindness and, never I will forget it.
After the letter I felt reaction: with what I will come back home? What blow to my hopes, and I such broken. It was simply physically difficult for me broken to go home at once. The aunt happy with the safe end, nevertheless saw my state and held me:
"Calm down, - it inspired in me, looking to me in eyes, - calm down, you will manage to leave". And I continued to sit at the aunt and to listen to its stories – old stories about the shop standing in the center of the market about her husband, very worthy Jew, about the rabbis coming to it on a visit - everyone remained with it for lunch, and it had rich why she enjoyed very much lunches. And she knew all rabbis, was aware of all of them put with which they came to Bialystok.
Once it came tear-stained. I was frightened:
"Aunt, that it?"
"As so, - she answered with tears, - To Bialystok there arrived reb Ayzl, the slonimsky rabbi, I at it was, asked to come for a lunch, and it refused to me … And I am a daughter reb Leyzera from Grodno, and with such relatives as the grandson reb Hilelya, reb Ekhezkel, reb Zalman, reb Haim Volozhiner … ah-yay-yay – not a gozha to it not to come to me for a lunch!."
Not in forces to see it a grief, I told that I am ready to go and ask reb Ayzel in what the reason of his refusal at it to have dinner. It was pleasant to it:
"Go, go, my child! …"
I went and asked why it afflicts the daughter reb Leyzera, refusing to come to have dinner to her.
Rabi quietly answered me:
"She is a daughter of Saint parents both very clever and devout woman, but I to anybody do not go to have dinner. Where I stopped, there and I eat".
"But if the woman, - I told, - so worries that you do not come, and even cries …"
"Women, my child, have a greater effect. By means of tears they govern men. She cries? Well, so tell the aunt that did not cry. I to it will come for a dinner tomorrow".
I gave it to the aunt, and she was out of herself with happiness. Itself great reb Ayzel, the slonimsky rabbi, to her will welcome!
Even earlier, to the letter of my wife, the aunt sent the letter to one our relative, asking whether there will be no position for me. And just the answer came. The relative wrote that he needs the accountant, and asked whether I am familiar with accounts department. If yes, that that arrived at once. Also month through three it needs the clerk, on the occasion of departure of his clerk.
Reading the letter, I understood that to me not to receive any position that it is necessary to stop thinking about it. If I on something did not do – to be so it a tenant in the estate. But rent costs decent money. So – tavern or a creamery – and to be to death an eshuvnik in the village …
Well, I go home. And came to the aunt to mind that I went to Warsaw. Warsaw - the big city. There we have an uncle, the grandfather's brother, reb Leyzera, somebody reb Yoshe Segal, the person known and kind. He of course will suit me. We have there also other relatives.
"Such family – not to maleficiate – such relationship, - the aunt said, - my council, Hatskel, - it is necessary to go there.
I answered that earlier I have to come back home, to the wife, and to consult to her.
"Of course, of course, go, consult to the wife", - the aunt agreed.
She did not want that I took for a trip home the carrier.
"You will go on post, Hatskel. By post there go rich men, it is easier".
And was. She found for one contractor, and we went together. Paid twelve rubles from the person. In a day arrived to Brisk. The aunt, clear, gave me to the road of any good things, and this trip to Brisk against a trip from Brisk to Bialystok, was for me as paradise against hell as they were described by my melameda. And it was paradise. In only one sense it was much more difficult for me now. On a trip with the carrier I had many sweet hopes for studying and be learned, and now I go without hopes, and on heart – is gloomy and empty as in the fall in the field.
I arrived to Vakhnovichi in twelve nights. Knocked at a door. The bedroom of the father was closer to a door. Having heard my voice, the father did not want to go to open and as I continued to knock, he woke my sister and asked it to wake my wife – that the wife opened. I heard all this because of a door, and it caused me some strange pain.
The wife opened for me a door and right there so bitterly burst out crying that I absolutely was frightened. She sobbed doubly: and therefore that I was not and therefore that she saw me the first. Crying from a grief and crying for pleasure.
To stop her tears, I began to tell it how the aunty's father-in-law "deceived" me in Brisk, having told that as soon as I arrive, she will attach me to business, actually she told that she just wanted to see me. She has no time to leave from the house and therefore she wanted that I arrived to it. She to me will pay an expense. So my trip came to an end. After my wife calmed down a little, I told her what the aunt advises me to go to Warsaw. We have there a big, well-born family which will help me, and I will settle there, etc.
So I spoke with the wife.
The father very happy with that I left the godless city, treated me better. Apparently, he decided to behave with me in a different way. Still he steered clear of me, and now understood that from it there is no advantage. And he met halfway – absolutely other tone, absolutely other look – is more friendly, warmer, more warm-hearted.
"You should look for business, - he told, - rent, tavern or that".
"But, the father, tried to object somehow I, - unless I by the nature the businessman? Unless I suit for rural affairs? I would like to Warsaw, the father. At such abundance of relatives, I will settle there".
Big cities frightened the father, and he did not give me the consent at once. Decided to consult to the grandfather. And that just suggested to wait till summer, to Ivanov dnya2. At this time contracts for manors are concluded, maybe, it will be possible to lease a small manor. Even if there will not be enough money, it will be possible to get out somehow.
I remained in Vakhnovichakh. Began to be interested in the fatherly estate, threw scientific books which I always slowly read when the father was busy. And so there passed several months. The father began to need me very much: he already often went to Kamenets - to talk over a little with the Hasidim, shifting to this time all work in the estate on me. It was very happy with my work. I tried, established new rules. If not the partner, the father would not release me. The partner is this, reb Yakov, the rich Jew, though the simple person, not scientific, but very decent, enclosed the fair sum of money in the estate, and his sons and sons-in-law began to interpose in the matter strongly. It was not really convenient. Because of them for me already there was almost no place. Young people began to raise a voice, and I began to concede. The father – as "the good businessman" praised me for it … I, a pier - the quiet person, am ready to make for the sake of the world concessions. Young people understood affairs even worse me, and even their part was less than ours, but I understood that if together to work with them, it is necessary to argue.
To Ivanov to day the grandfather visited all familiar landowners in search of the small estate for me – and found nothing. Meanwhile there passed the summer. Already, thank God, the 1st date elyul3, and estates for me is not. And the grandfather told that another on my place would take the estate more, despite insufficient means as all Jews arrive, but I did not want to begin business with deception at all. Therefore I refused. And soon again started talking about a trip to Warsaw. In me the galutny Jew wakened, pulled to go, go, go …
The father agreed - I could go to Warsaw. He relied on our noble relatives. They will look after me, will not allow to curtail from a right way.
We already then had two branch lines: Warsaw-St. Petersburg and Warsaw-Terespol. From Brisk to Warsaw the ticket cost three rubles – without any carriers. I got out to the road in the middle elyulya, sure that the father will a little bring closer to himself my wife now. I go from its permission, and he was not afraid of the Warsaw godlessness: relatives there, relatives! ….

Chapter 4
In way. – Train. – First "lesson". – My uncle reb Yoshe. – His house. – I look for earnings. – The speech becoming melamedy. – Warsaw. – Society on studying of the Talmud. – Society of keepers of Saturday. – Lithuanian Jews. – Children of my uncle. – I became melamedy. – Melamed walks down the street in broad daylight. – Again in way. – Makarovtsa.
To Warsaw I went a little more quietly, than to Bialystok. Did not hope one doctrine any more, but decided that, by means of the family, I will find some earnings in Warsaw.
The train, the new, in a new way dressed people – all this was not known to me, but just in the train I received first "lesson" from the big city. Opposite to me in the car the dressed Jew with a diamond ring on a finger fitted well. He asked me where I go.
"To Warsaw", - I answered.
Apparently, having taken me for an eshibotnik, he took in head to play a trick a little over me and asked:
"Why you go to Warsaw?"
"I look for some business".
"You have family there?"
"Uncle".
"Who your uncle?"
"Rab Yoshe Segal".
"Who – reb Yoshe? That his devils took!" - and he loudly laughed loudly. Here I understood that in the world there are still other people, except naive kamenetsky and brissky evreychik and that it is necessary to be careful.
I arrived to Warsaw to the uncle, to that Yoshe cursed reb. It was and presented: I – from Kaments, the grandson of the Grodno rabbi reb Leyzera. The uncle, reb Yoshe, the person elderly already, greeted me, suggested to sit down and began to ask as there lives his brother, the kamenetsky rabbi who as I wrote about that in the first part, died in the 1865th year during big epidemic of cholera, that is two years ago.
I did not want it to afflict with the story about death of the brother and said hello to it hot from the kamenetsky rabbi to whom I read that it did not trouble the sore eyes. The uncle's family informed on death of the rabbi was very grateful to me for my "white" lie and heat me accepted.
The house of the uncle very much was pleasant to me. He was a wise Jew and often acted as the arbitration judge. Big rich men, millionaires, having squabbled with each other, came to it that it judged them – not as it was accepted that each party takes itself the authorized representative and both choose the arbitrator who passes the decision. The uncle solved.
He earned also from courtship and was a matchmaker famous all over the country. There was at it an iron chest with the huge sums of money – bank notes and gold which children reb Zimel Epstein specially at it held as after death reb Zimel very with each other were at war. The court between them reached St. Petersburg, expenses on this war reached more than hundred thousand. Without having achieved any sense, addressed to reb Yoshe that it judged them.
It with them sat in St. Petersburg and judged them. It took five thousand rubles for such piece of work, and all were satisfied.
Many came to it for council. Any registration of partnership without it did not manage. Asked his opinions on any business and were sure that if reb Yoshe approves partnership – it will hold on. And yes happened.
On Saturday evening, on the free head, to the uncle rich men came - to discuss world problems again. As it is accepted, he was a big politician, was familiar with all rich men, wholesale merchants, only understood character of everyone and could expect - which of dealers will go further and quicker than others and who will quickly fall down.
As a rule, he about anybody did not speak badly – considered that language should be constrained.
He well knew the Talmud and judgments of galakhichesky authorities, and written in sacred language of his letter contained a lot of wisdom and gloss of mind. There was it, besides, the kind person who could not have at himself money. Once you appeared at it in several hundred rubles, and someone just was with a sour mine – right there it could give that this money. Therefore at emergence at it of money, his wife usually watched closely his hands - but is lovely, delicate, diplomatic.
The first wife at the uncle died when he still was young. With it it had the son and the daughter. His second wife was a daughter of the Warsaw copyist of the Torah. This second wife from the wedding addressed it on "you":
"Grant, reb to Yoshele, to eat … Grant, reb to Yoshele, syo …"
Children from both wives tiptoed around it. He spoke – and all children stood as Hasidim before the Rebbe. Two of his daughters young ladies were brought very well up, and it was very pleasant to communicate with them. Several weeks spent by me in the house at the uncle deeply to me were engraved in the memory. I appeared as if in paradise, among beautiful, kind people. I always considered myself as quite decent young man; but in this house I understood really that the decency, sensitivity means.
In the uncle's family I was pleasant. They regretted that I am uncomfortable that I have no occupation. Somehow the uncle told:
"I do not know whether Hatskel is suitable for trade. It is too for this purpose trustful. Meanwhile will be, I would advise it to be engaged in a teaching … In Warsaw there is a big need in melamedakh-Lithuanian Jewish. Here it is possible to live not bad melamedy …", - the uncle darted at me a careful glance.
My person blushed. I felt that I redden, I turn pale.
"Teaching! – As knocked me on the head, - My God! …"
The uncle right there began to tell different stories about melameda which in Warsaw very much became famous and passed from a teaching to big affairs, big factories, etc. Many of them now – big rich men. Vigorous people do not vanish in Warsaw, only shlimazla remain forever melameda. Melamed is respected here, and there is nothing to be ashamed here.
So the uncle tried to smooth the painful impression made on me by its offer to become melamedy. At the same time he again carefully looked at me.
It was, however, a gone case. If the uncle told that to be melamedy – well, I have to be already happy. … But at night I could not fall asleep, thinking only that it is necessary to be melamedy … But the uncle told that it is good, and there's nothing to be done.
"The uncle, - I declared to him, - I will be melamedy".
"Do not worry, - he answered, - your advantage from it will not decrease".
And right there, on Saturday afternoon, I was told by his son that the father wants to check my knowledge. One expert will come and will check. It was not pleasant to me too – that I am a boy?
Delicate people, however, are able to smooth everything, and to me let know what should be found out what I suit pupils. There was nothing to object me, and besides, I considered that it is correct. Approximately in an hour "the good Jew" - the elderly person was, and the grandfather called me to the certain room. Brought Gemara, the section "Bava Metion", the Jew at once pointed to the first fragment how two keep for talit – a case with one witness, with additions and with Makharsh's comments. There is nothing to do – I answered, and it is absolutely quite good. It right there told reb Yoshe that I as it should be... The uncle was glad and declared to me:
"There now - you will become varshavyaniny …"
So – a teaching.
It was necessary to wait, however, in Warsaw to the ambassador Sukkot – time accepted for a set of children. I stopped thinking of a teaching and became cheerful.
And in such cheerful mood often walked with the son reb Yoshe Haim-Leyzer. This Haim-Leyzer acquainted me with Warsaw, with history of the Warsaw Jews, with local customs, with Hasidim and rabbis - the house reb Yoshe was, naturally, misnagidskiya. It also showed me all local bet-midrash, and I with it prayed in one of societies of Lithuanian Jews on studying of the Talmud on Frantsiskanskaya Street. In this bet-midrash the youth from well-founded orthodox families, received sixty-eighty thousand of a dowry prayed. The strange impression was made on me by long-skirted clothes, shtreymla and the twirled side curls. Beardless faces of young people framed the fluttering, thick, long side curls similar on living beings. Rich young people walked in long satin coats, in white stockings and shoes. Such youth in weight met on Nalevkakh, on Frantsiskanskaya St. and on Mushroom. Young ladies, however, were in a decollete.
Ardent misnagida regularly gathered in this Talmudical society, in a bet-midrasha, to criticize Hasidim. The heat of Hasidim against misnagid was thrown here on the misnagid opposing Hasidim. One, by the name of Iliyagu, Vilensky's grandson gaona1, the wealthy young man and very scientific, was at them the real leader. It carried silk and repp long caftans, white stockings and elegant shoes. The long, twirled side curls gave it special charm. And this external charm he involved many from outside.
Misnagid he was hot and regularly laughed and scoffed at Hasidim and their Rebbe. It is clear, that I was very useful too: too knew something about Hasidim. So I cheerfully spent time. Went every day to pray in the mornings, and after a prayer, and especially between after-dinner and evening prayers, I already was among young people and worked with language, like a sailor. I as if from the sky was sent them, and they me – too. All laughed at miracles, at tsadika, at what did not climb in any gate, and every day criticized still some Hasidic book of some Rebbe.
But there was one thing uniting talmudical youth with Hasidim is a question of observance of Saturday. There was a Society of observers of Saturday setting as an object to keep Jews from violation of Saturday. Usually they united in fight against Jews from poor classes on which observers of Saturday could press more, than on the rich. Big Society of observers of Saturday had the offices in each Hasidic shtibl, and everyone Hasidic shtibl did the part: looked behind that did not trade on Saturday – did not buy and did not sell, etc.
It was sometimes not really pleasant to watch how rich, full, consisting on bread zyatyok, snatched on the poor, dark dealer who was late for a minute with the basket. Somehow in the evening, on the eve of Sukkot Iliyagu came running in bet-midrash Talmudical society, choking, hastily:
"Misters, dealers still sit on the street and count money, - he shouted, - it is live, let's them banish!"
All these delicate young men right there poured out on the street. I left to look too how will be enough dealers. Then there was no sewerage yet, women sat next along the street on the sidewalk, having lowered legs over a ditch, and sold the remains of grapes and other fruit necessary for a holiday. The goods, to tell the truth, were impaired a little a little and if not to sell it now, it not a stiver will not cost. Young people, nevertheless, poured out baskets in ditches. Noise was made, dealers cry and ask:
"Wons are costed by the customer, she will buy it – one minute!"
But those do not listen. I could not look at it and told them to the leader:
"Rab Iliyagu, you do not understand position of poor dealers at all and cause them damage. Perhaps it would be more correct to develop and pay dealers for their remains which by the end of a holiday will already deteriorate and to send them home. It is simple to take and throw out – it is ugly …"
But these my words only damaged to me in their eyes. They suspected me of some personal interest.
Made the business and returned to Talmudical society. There read an evening prayer and wanted with me on this subject to debate. But on bread it was time for sons-in-law to go to eat home, and our discussion was put off, on the holiday. For tomorrow all came in bet-midrash again, and between us discussion took place. I spoke half an hour, proving that with poor dealers after all this way it is impossible to act and that not in it the true devotion consists. By means of discussion I attracted many who agreed with me to myself, but some of rich men, and among them there is their leader Iliyagu, agreed to differ – that they arrived under the law, and I – already curtailed from a way a little … Some especially fanatical also started back from me. Those which with me remained stood up for me iron, but seeing as every day avoided me more and more, I understood that my teaching will suffer from this episode. Whether it is necessary much to spoil reputation? … And I need it?
And it happened. Other of those who agreed earlier - refused to give me children.
In Warsaw I faced the hatred of the Polish Jews to Lithuanian Jews reminding the relations of two warring people and before to me absolutely unfamiliar. Whether the Lithuanian Jew will make offense – condemn all Lithuania, and contempt for a small piece of the earth under the name Lithuania was just indescribable.
Earlier, before revolt of 1863, the day account was accepted in Warsaw: any nonresident Jew who is not registered in Warsaw had to pay fifteen kopeks for each lived day. It is clear, that sixty years ago fifteen kopeks were too big exaction therefore to Warsaw there came very few Lithuanian Jews. Odessa then was the only city where Lithuanian Jews looked for work though Odessa is farther from Lithuania, than Warsaw. There to go, Lithuanian Jews had no other big city. But even such small number of Lithuanian Jews was hated to the Polish Jews, and other word as a Lithuanian Jewish pig, at them for Lithuanian Jews was not.
After revolt Warsaw widely opened for Jews. No exaction was taken any more and as the first at that time in Russia two branch lines Warsaw-St. Petersburg and Warsaw-Terespol, passed through Lithuania, it is clear that for several years to the city there arrived the decent number of Lithuanian Jews, and hatred amplified.
For what, however, the Lithuanian Jew got the nickname "pig"? Why not the thief, not the deceiver or something else? It speaks simply. Lithuania – the poor area, is not present any industry, the earth poor, sandy there, landowners too the poor, and coming to Warsaw, there lived Lithuanian Jews too badly, poorly, gloomy, and as for food, they ate bread with onions, a radish or garlic, washing down with unboiled water. And any difference, much you earned or not. The Lithuanian Jew did not refuse poor life, because and got at the Polish Jews a nickname a Lithuanian Jewish pig …
And the nickname behind it remained until now though Lithuanian Jews learned to eat and drink now well too, and in sense of luxury follow Warsaw a letter in a letter: very much love jewelry and theater and spend money widely.
With the uncle's children I came into different houses. There still ladies spoke to the address of "Lithuanian Jewish pigs", especially. Each lady told some unflattering story about Lithuanian Jews. But one swear word for Lithuanian Jews business did not manage. For them the beautiful nickname "Lithuanian Jewish head cross" because of tendency to education was still laid up. While the Polish Jews slept, and the greatest role at them was played by the Rebbe – Lithuanian Jews had a lot of maskily with the loud, glorified names calling the sleepy Jewish world to education.
The part of Jews in Warsaw was also keen on culture. But already then there were in their environment poisonous sprouts of assimilation, and they absolutely separated from orthodoxes. Wore a short dress, women did not cover the head with a wig, spoke only in Polish, but not into Yiddish. Orthodoxes called them Germans, considering that for such goyev it still a delicate name … Orthodoxes strictly watched that their children did not talk and did not meet children of "Germans" that "Germans" did not make of their children goyev.
Lithuanian Jews, however, had a mixture. Externally there was no difference between orthodoxes and the intellectuals. The long caftan was not a sign for the orthodox at all, and the devout Jew could be dressed absolutely in an European way. Haskala more or less got on with religion. In long-skirted clothes could go full apikoyres, and in short – quite devout Jew.
It is natural that after the Polish revolt many any Lithuanian Jews were, and the Polish Jews could not distinguish between Lithuanian Jews - who is who: who devout, who maskil, and who full apikoyres. Therefore they very much were afraid of Lithuanian Jews: as if those to them did not do much harm with the Haskala and godlessness; and then came up such nicknames as "the Lithuanian Jewish head a cross" that it is less with them to approach.
Education – first, a short dress – secondly. The short dress and education is goysky, krestogolovy. It is a source of the second nickname. I already said that the uncle's son often with me walked the streets. And on the road acquainted me with the raging Warsaw life and answered my provincial questions which I abandoned him.
I remember how once, passing with it across Nalevkam, I met the son of Israel Haim Fridberg, the guy, is a little younger than me. Odette it was in German. We, naturally, kissed each other and got to talking. He told me how at once after revolt his father arrived to Warsaw, and now they live here. The young man was glad to a meeting with me and invited me on a visit. His family was very betrayed to our family. This meeting too very much pleased me. I to it promised to come. Upon termination of our fleeting and joyful conversation I looked round in search of my relative. I look for, I look for, and it is absent. I look extensively and I do not find. I ask Fridberg:
"You did not notice where the young man got to?" He burst out laughing:
"And you did not notice that as soon as he saw that you kissed each other with "German", he right there escaped, as from fire …"
I could not understand it in any way. I said goodbye to Fridberg and went home. There to me the first my relative rushed towards and categorically declared that if I at least once, going with him down the street, meet "German" and I will stop to talk to him, then he, my relative, with me will not leave any more; that for it the biggest shame – to stand with "German". As well I - he told me - having undertaken to be in Warsaw melamedy, should not meet "Germans", should not carry on with them any talk. Otherwise owners right there will take away from me children, be I even the greatest in the world gaon.
It me oddly deprived of courage. All my efforts were directed to being among maskily and to somehow master science, and here I have to avoid people among whom there are I only and I can reach it, should not meet intelligent Jews.
If so, then what sense in Warsaw? It is better to live in the village – to vanish, to vanish so. Again I with bitterness understood that I should be engaged in rural affairs, tavern or rent that everything will come to an end in it. It is better to be in the village someone, than in Warsaw nobody - to be melamedy - the hypocrite, to behave as the fanatic among fanatics – what I was absolutely incapable of and what suffered at the father enough from.
I felt repentance. I so suffer in search of earnings in the big city – why to me it! Everything is vain – by force will achieve nothing. And I decided to go back home ….
But at once I could not leave: for me the position of a melamed was already ready. It is impossible to be a pig, the uncle so tried … It is necessary to begin …
So there passed Sukkot. To Fridberg whom I really loved I could not go – it is not necessary. My teaching already, thank God, relied on six good boys teaching Gemara with additions on fifty rubles from the boy. For the provincial young man of those times - it is not bad at all.
I rented the room on Frantsiskanskaya Street and on Tuesday, right after Sukkot, took seat on a chair of a melamed. At nine in the morning boys in velveteen hats, white chulochka, with the long twirled side curls came, and took seat around a table. I – from above on a chair. Opened for Gemar on the treatise "Bava Metion", began … and could not keep - burst into tears. Shedding tears and sobbing, ran out from the room. On a question of curious passersby it is slightly heard answered:
"At me the child was seriously ill …"
At last, got it together, returned in a heder and began to be engaged. Among my pupils there were several slowcoaches, and it was necessary to try very much to hammer into them Gemara's page. Apparently, I was deceived, so strongly praising highly the children's heads.
On Thursday I left behind purchases, having left boys of one in a heder and having told that I leave for an hour. Returned in two hours. When I did not return in time, the dismissed children went home and told mothers that Rabi "left behind purchases since morning" and still it is absent. By the way, on the street I met one of mothers who, of course, considered my circulation in broad daylight, during occupations, as serious offense. Right there in the house of the uncle it became known that I to myself walk on streets, and there were struck:
"That melamed walked among day the streets!"
It was the first blow to my teaching. At heart at me was precisely. Feeling that me have nothing to lose, I went to Fridberg and in detail told about the situation, etc.
"I now, the brother, melamed, - complained I, - big achievement!"
Fridberg attentively listened to me and offered the developed plan. Namely – I have to go to Makarovtsy, the estate which is in the Grodno County where there lives my relative rich small operating in a manor of one landowner. The person it very good as well maskil, and I at it probably will settle. It very much was pleasant to me. I right there refused a teaching.
The uncle told that it is silly – a great number of capable young people lounge about in Warsaw for years until they receive a position of a melamed.
"A teaching – marketable goods, - it proved to me, - think, it is a pity to lose him".
But my thoughts already were far. And words of the uncle were started up on wind …

Chapter 3
1 A period between New year and the Doomsday
2 The Christian holiday celebrated on June 24 according to the Art. to style, devoted to John the Baptist.
3C of the middle of August to the middle of September.

Chapter 4
1 According to D. Asaph, the translator of the book into Hebrew, it is about Iliyagu Vilner who died in 1868, the great-grandson of the Vilensky gaon, but not his grandson.



My memoirs. Volume I



My memoirs. Volume II





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