My memoirs. Volume second. Chapter 22-25.

However the big question - whether wanted it something like that now to make. Now such Lifshits, at such energy, would go to America rather...

Chapter 22
Vocational school. - Its opening. - History with doors. - Troubles from Gnodman. - New managing director. - I do not maintain. - Again wanderings.
Fried finished construction of a vocational school on which Polyakov assigned two hundred thousand rubles, and the governor general with the commission of engineers examined the building. The building was pleasant to it and he thanked Fried
My relative reported for this purpose from the money. The contractor from such contract could take several thousand rubles, and Fried still reported five thousand.
Opening of school was noted very solemnly. There was a count Loris-Melikov with the governor, the metropolitan and other high-ranking officials
Behind wine the governor general drank a toast for health of the tsar, then - for the big philanthropist Shmuel Polyakov, and still - for the contractor who enclosed a lot of energy and forces in construction, having generously reported on the decent sum of money. Opening took place brilliantly, and Fried was happy.
To me, however, it was quite sad, and my life was presented to me by sulfur. From Gnodman, as before, threw me in heat, in cold, and it was necessary to be silent.
There were I at work once. Repaired the house of the chief of a distance. Ten oven doors and the other equipment were required, and I had to buy it. From office at me there was a letter to the owner of shop of hardware in Kharkiv where bought goods for sixty-seventy thousand rubles a year.
We worked in the country, I asked to harness a horse and went to the city behind these necessary things. Was to about an hour. Arrived to shop of hardware and saw locks on all doors. I did not know that in lunch time the shop is closed, and decided that the seller went bankrupt … Why I so solved - it is a question for those who would like to laugh over me …
But workers wait for a door. What to do?
Doors cost only ninety five rubles, and I with myself had just one hundred. I go to other shop and I buy everything that it is necessary, for cash. Instead of ninety five I receive the same goods for sixty two rubles. I pay off and come back very happy - saved thirty three rubles for the owner! Pleasure washing all grew, and I had a feeling as if I peddled old stuff ….
Now I will point Frida to a disorder in its shops. Where it slykhano that in shop where buy on seventy thousand a year, took for goods the price in sixty two rubles of the whole thirty three rubles of superfluous! It real robbery!
Brought doors, showed them to Gnobman and not without pride I speak:
"It is good that I with myself had cash. Now I see how our supplier overstates the prices. It just ruins us!"
Told and wait that "lovely" Gnodman desired to look and at the same time to praise me for my diligence, for my opening.
But I was deeply and bitterly mistaken in the calculations.
Instead of delights and praises at Gnodman were spitefully poured by blood and were stared, the neck, and as the boiling pot, and it burst reddened:
"That means - to pay in cash! Who about it asked you? Who ordered? From where you, shlimazl, know that you overpay? What, tell, means - to overpay and what means - not to overpay? Shlimazl, nudnik! Go home!
Also burst in a flow of mocking and vile words so I could not restrain and - burst into tears …
From such terrible mistake heart loses pleasure at once, being filled with a grief and tears.
I was terribly killed and told Fried and his wife in the evening all story and about mockeries with which Gnodman for my efforts awarded me.
"Do not torment the heart, - Fried's wife responded, - you see that at me on a nose? - It on a nose had something red. - I received it that week from Gnodman. Told something about the contract concluded with it, and he something threw to me into a nose … It is necessary to suffer, - it added quietly. - it has clever fingers …"
But eventually it strongly bothered. Clever fingers, apparently, appeared insufficiently. And in several weeks after this history Fried in St. Petersburg also looked after one person suitable it as the managing director.
Fried secretly brought it to Kharkiv … High growth, very beautiful person of years of fifty, with a big black beard with streaks of gray. Gait, each movement - you will admire.
That to acquaint him better with business and that Gnodman did not know about it, Fried put him far away - somewhere at the twelfth distance. Charged a small piece of work - to construct a vokzalchik for ten thousand rubles. And this small piece of work was providently withdrawn by Fried from power of the jerk and completely transferred to the order of the new managing director. By the way, it was taken on test.
All of us let into secret - in the fact that the tall person has to hold Gnodman's position sooner or later - very much rejoiced, being going to organize a ball that day when he dumps our enemy.
But, on our trouble, cunning Gnodman understood at once that the high Jew with a big beard not just the salesman, and his competitor. It is natural that he terribly got furious, and to us got even more former.
Actually, it did not need a position. It already had the money something like thirty-forty thousand rubles, he could tender. But he, obviously, just liked to shout, order, torment, and there was no wish to lose it. And it tormented people even more. But we with big awe waited that that will terminate the trial period soon and will banish the villain.
But as we were struck, having learned that work of the new managing director - a vokzalchik - was not accepted - the engineer considered it bad. For us it was the awful blow, and for Fried - it is even more.
For it there was a speech not about ten thousand rubles, and about a shame from the fact that it it was in a row badly executed, it is not accepted.
It made very heavy impression on Fried. Of course, he decided to calculate the managing director, having paid it, according to the contract, in three years eighteen thousand rubles, on six thousand a year.
To Kharkiv there arrived very upset chief of the project. He considered that someone tripped the managing director up, but did not know who exactly.
On it to it Fried bitterly noticed:
"The real person of such things is not afraid".
But it was tripped up by the lovely Gnodman seeking to get rid of it. Such trifle as a footboard for Gnodman was it is just a duck soup: to inform, stipulate - and it is ready.
The high Jew with a black beard received settlement money and left, and Gnodman remained farther to go by all of us, and his power, to our general pain and disappointment, amplified even more.
After such end, I arrived at the old idea again: it is necessary to go.
Here I cannot remain any more. And I do not suit them, and they - me.
I talked to Fried. He agreed with me and advised to go to Moscow. The local rabbi, reb Haim Berlin, - our relatives, he will write him the letter and will ask that he attached me to local rich men. The rabbi holds authority there. It will also give me the letter to the good friend, a large sakharozavodchik, and that will help me too.

Chapter 23
In way. - Moscow. - Jews, as in Jerusalem. - In a bet-midrasha. - At the rabbi. - What to do? - Tavern, rent, field work, work of a melamed, trade in shop. - Rabbi and Rebbe. - Hasidim in Moscow. - Sing!!! - My cares. - I go home.
Again in way … Moscow.
Adyyo, with "lovely" Gnodman, with oven doors, with Fried, with contracts and with all we designate Kharkiv, ahead Moscow, something new.
In my imagination Moscow rose as the katsapsky city where still it is necessary to look for Jews as a needle in a haystack. But, thank God, it was not so. Having arrived to Moscow, I exactly in Zaryadye came across on standing at gate through which I should have passed, the Jew in long-skirted a cowl, settled down there with such comfort, as at the father in a vineyard.
In a rooming house where I arrived, Jews, as from the pale of settlement - with long side curls, dense eyebrows, humpbacked noses and the burning eyes, quite comfortably talking about box collecting, about rabbis and about city problems etc., etc. turned.
- not to maleficiate - there is a lot of Jews, in the yard - bet-midrash, about six minyan in day pray. From seven in the morning and to twelve pray, after a prayer - are engaged, the delightful tune of Gemara - the real Jerusalem is heard.
And in Hasidim there is no shortcoming too. Is Hasidic shtibl. I enter - Jews properly drink and sing Hasidic songs.
The restaurant where I have dinner, is filled by Jews from different places - Hasidim and misnagida. Cheerfully and comfortably. Jews speak and eat, eat and speak, the smoke-filled air smells of the Jewish food, the Jewish frying, - and beards, beards, beards.
It is especially good to come in bet-midrash in the evening and to see how study. To watch pleasure. In the city tens of churches rise, and here - Jews sit and read highly, in a voice - precisely, as in a new bet-midrash in Kamentsa.
In the evening I came to the rabbi Haim Berlin. At it it is also full of Jews. Here - the dealers who came to religious court and other Jews - guests from different places. Coming Moscow, they come also to the rabbi. I waited all guests and transferred to the rabbi Fried's letter.
He called the wife and presented me as relative. Accepted me very well, but at once it became clear that its councils in the field of commerce a little than can be useful to me. What does the rabbi understand in commerce? And what dealer will follow his business council!
The only thing that remained to me, it to descend with Fried's letter to office of sugar plant.
But such is there was my luck that, having come there, I heard that the owner left …
There really were some dealers needing people, but, having heard words of the rabbi that I am a capable young man, already considered that it is a big shortcoming …
Became me very much, very much turned sour on heart. There was a wish to bite fingers.
What will be?
At first I learned to be korchmaryom, the tenant, then, having already achieved something, I threw it and began to study field works. Having mastered agriculture, ran away from the wood to the big city of Kiev and was engaged in groceries. Having achieved success in groceries, went to Kharkiv and began to study railway contracts and repairs, with Gnodman and with all troubles in the world. And now … What will be with me now?
It is clear, that every day my situation became more difficult. I already regretted that I threw Kharkiv. There I had under legs some soil. Here I hang between others sky and others earth.
Boon companions persuaded me to get acquainted with the Hasidic Rebbe who with reb Haim Berlin - as water with fire. The Hasidky Rebbe has around himself a big circle of Hasidim - rich men, large merchants, rich owners.
"It is not harmful to pay it visit and to mention in conversation that you with reb Haim Berlin - relatives that you wander across Moscow and look for work, but it, reb Haim, cannot help you nothing. Whether the Rebbe will help you something? Also hint it that your father - the ardent Hasid. That is, simply podolstis to the Hasidic Rebbe …
It is fine what tried to do - I and it. Went to the Hasidic Rebbe, it was presented by the relative reb Haim Berlin, arrived here in search of the place or some business, told that reb Haim Berlin on whom I very much counted a little than can help me. Therefore kind people to me advised to get acquainted with you and to ask assistance …
First of all the rabbi asked me:
"How you have relatives reb to Haim?"
I explained it to him, at the same time having presented all the ikhus, since reb Haim Volozhiner.
"But why you did not come to me at once?" - it shook the head reproachfully. - I to you probably would get at local the place. You, in some way, descendant of gaon and righteous persons. But now, I am afraid, Haim Berlin to you damaged …"
I was silent, feeling as on all body tears cold and pain at the same time.
"Well, all right, - he told quite good-natured, - you come, seem to people, sings, something will turn up".
I had no exit, and I began to visit the Hasidic Rebbe often. In his house there were even more Hasidim, than in the house reb Haim Berlin - misnagid. The difference was only that misnagida at Haim Berlin sat and stood in a big order. Everyone kept at a distance and when two spoke, the third did not interfere. Here, at the Hasidic Rebbe, did not look at it. Talked groups and all together, one shouted at another, another, besides, occupied the place of the third, etc. Neither rich, nor poor, nor old, nor young - all are equal, and in the house - cheerful vanity.
It is natural that the rabbi invited me to pray in the shtibl - one more Hasid more … I and it made. Prayed in the shtibl very briskly, it is very noisy, was not enough only reb Isroel. From everywhere - sincere tunes, all stir, jump, dance, are pushed, laugh and drink as happened in Kamentsa. And fun it - not something, My God keep, forced, to the Hasid it is really cheerful. God is great also his world - is great, and everything can bring joy.
And not for nothing there is among Hasidim some strange good nature and self-calmness as if there was never any Jewish problem and there is no galut. But it, perhaps, too high, too big subject. I will tell more simply: as if there was no wife and children …
And as at home, and in the shtibl either at restaurant, or with the Hasidic rabbi - the person as if in Jerusalem feels. Will be okolodochny - on you in a hand, and it is fine. Go and leave us alone.
I can swear that a small group of Hasidim who were cheerfully pounded in the house at the Hasidic rabbi, was done not know about the Jewish disasters and restrictions sent on them from above. I never heard that someone said on these subjects as often happened at misnagid. And speak about one: God is great, and his world is big, and everything somehow will manage …
But at reb Haim Berlin talked with bitterness politics, officials, polices and passports, restrictions and the anti-Jewish measures, a galuta, etc., etc. things. And gloomy misnagida were moved even more gloomy with eyebrows.
When not my bad mood, I at the Hasidic rabbi would recover. From one fun you feel like the giant. Saturday was there - a fun source. Fun began on Friday evening.
The mass of Hasidim and to twelve comes on Friday evening to the rabbi, till one o'clock in the morning "govern a table". The rabbi speaks on Torah subjects on a Hasidic harmony: eyes are widely open, hands are stretched over a table, the small beard dances. Having listened to the Torah, sing Hasidic tunes. It terminated, Hasidim - sing. After - are treated.
And so on Saturday the whole day proceeds. Singing pray at the rabbi, on Saturday evening even more. Each throat rumbles. And if someone zalenitsya and will become silent - will clap on shoulders:
"Well that you are Selig or Meir - here you are silent? Sing!"
And that sings.
I became very close to the Hasidic rabbi and often visited him. He held me for maskilya and tried to speak with me about the things interesting me.
It, however, for me any did not get a position, and it seems to me that at heart reb Haim was more anxious with my situation, than it. Rab Haim had to understand also more how heavy to the person to suffer of need, than the Hasidic rabbi. It had also no collateral purposes.
That is the Hasidic rabbi - brought closer me to itself(himself), wishing to buy soul - that is, to make of me the Hasid - that more in Hasidic society became one more.
And still interesting fact. Rab Haim knew that I sit day and night at the Hasidic rabbi with whom he was at daggers points - as speak in Lithuania. In the house at reb Haim called the Hasidic rabbi "horse thief", and at the Hasidic rabbi - on the other hand - called reb Haim "villain". And nevertheless reb Haim was not against my visits to the Hasidic rabbi: and suddenly I will be helped there?
Suddenly I there to myself will achieve the place?
Every day I saw more and more that my stay in Moscow does not cost a tobacco pinch. To look for affairs between two rabbis! Found a suitable position! I felt somehow absolutely superfluous in this world - as if turned out - and went back to Kiev …

Chapter 24
Again in Kiev. - Reb Labe of Shapiro. - Wine. - Earnings. - Drunk night. - Manifesto. - Kiev charity. - Reb Hirsch Epstein. - Mandelstam.
…. And here I again in Kiev. With the same old friends and acquaintances - scientists, idlers, casuists, merchants, sellers, jobless young people, beggars, etc., etc.
Some time the head has a rest from cares. You laugh, you stir, you tell news. But gradually you begin to think of earnings. I worry and others bespokotsya about me - that I had not to fly, God forbid, again somewhere from Kiev in search of bread. It is solved: to concentrate on one place, to experience taste of life as all my friends.
Came to mind to Labe Shapiro (we already with reconciled - whether this person could become angry long!), who always cared for me, such plan: melamed the rabbi is trained, for example, by wine from raisin on what permission or the patent is not required. The Jew can do wine for a kiddush. Melamed will teach me how him to prepare, and companions will pull "strings". And at me, more or less, what will live with.
I agreed: other exit and so was not. Began to do wine of raisin. I bought all devices necessary for "plant", as well as raisin pood, came melamed and began "to train" me. As the clever Jew it quickly coped with it, and I learned.
The first portion of wine turned out "very successfully". We right there sold out it among kind friends and, having prepared ten poods of izyumny wine on the following time, Purima and Pesakh began to wait. In the course of work I continually called up a melamed, and that on the place resolved the issues which are found in large production …
For the second time wine turned out also very successful. I divided it on strong and weak, best of all and worse. "The real champagne" was the premium. Went in great demand.
I had no lack of money any more - dear brothers helped. As wine worked well, they just threw me huge interest-free loans in hundreds of rubles - if only my "plant" worked.
And … I began to earn. Business went! It became more cheerful, the income appeared. I forgot all the wanderings. Time is the income, I thought, we are rescued. And once, clear we will wound we go down the street in the morning and we read the manifesto on all columns and intersections.
In the manifesto it is told, that all Jews hitherto living in internal provinces of Russia are allowed to live there and further, and, except as according to the order of the Senate, they are no the right to touch.
This manifesto pleased us not less, than the Jews at the time of Mordechai who heard about Gaman's defeat.
The pleasure and fun began, and for Jews there was light and pleasure, honor and respect. And I brought together all my dear brothers, and among them - Lipsky and some more students who had the Jewish heart and was drunk in plenty my wine - good, cleared wine, strong as alcohol.
Audience did not force themselves to ask. Saw dead drunk and rejoiced, like a sailor.
Lipsky pushed speeches with such heat that we began to throw it up, is drunk and enthusiastically. All neighboring Christian neighbors including okolodochny which just passed by and asked because of what fun ran together?
Such fool this okolodochny - does not understand our pleasure …
Here Lipsky opened a mouth and declared to it with drunk delight that for Jews the best times began … The manifesto there … the sir okolodochny … to Jews not to cling, not to touch … the sir okolodochny, join binge … the sir okolodochny … here - wine bottles … the sir okolodochny …
At such amount of wine the law enforcement officer needed no explanation … It only widely opened a mouth and poured there one by one glasses of strong wine …
The company was even more inspired - seized Lipsky with okolodochny - wine made even them - and began to throw both.
So boozed and sang till the dawn, rustled and shouted, and okolodochny left very happy, with one more bottle of strong wine in a pocket. Such at them the nature …
But the Jewish pleasure - is very short, and we, fools, did not know it. We did not know that dark, bitter and heavy, heavy days - long as the Jewish exile which will never be erased from memory are coming. I, however, run forward, and there is nothing to hurry with trouble: with such goods you will not be late.
I come back to the wine. I strong undertook it and prepared goods something for kind several hundreds of rubles. As I told, I was fine advertized.
On Purim I sold decent amount of wine, and in preeaster week it at me went in great demand - directly as water from matzo. I saw that I can sell five times more and earn even more. But I had not enough time to prepare - on it five-six weeks were required, and, without having other exit, I almost twice raised the price. Behaved as the good merchant, and nobody bargained - only serve wine.
And, as I also expected, a day before the eve Pesakh came even from the banker Gurvich for five bottles of wine, and I had to decant the last from barrels - I joyfully thought that I in hands have a good business, reliable earnings that more I should not wander - felt the soil under legs.
But wine - itself flows, and work on advantage to society - too costs something. And it attracted me in the heat of earnings.
Reb Girsh Epstein often to me came and told about communal affairs - about what he already remade also that in Kiev are only coming. "Rich men, - he said, with all the heart rejoicing, - spend money like water. They give how many they ask, madam Rosenberg is not tired to do charity work and good deeds day and night. Only today saw how it goes at twelve o'clock around the Hem with a box for applications. And reb Brodsky distributes Israel more and more and endows. Also the new donor - a certain lesotorgovets Galpern distributing alms excessively … appeared"
To Reb Girsh did not get only couple of assistants as he could not be broken off one. "Now, - he said, - the best time for work for advantage of society". It is natural that his words very strongly affected me. In me blood began to start to boil.
"Rab Girsh, - I said to him with enthusiasm, - I have the income. Affairs at me go absolutely not badly. I would like to be your assistant. Give me work - I will make. But, maybe, it is necessary to get to work of young people - gentlemen and young ladies … I will take myself to the aid Lipsky, and he will attract students …"
Epstein was glad to both that and another - and to the fact that I have the income, and that he is ready to work for advantage of society.
One more it as this Epstein, I for all life among public figures did not meet - such nobility, dedication, such devotion to business, such enthusiasm and purity. And I saw public figures much. Were who possessed that or other of Epstein's advantages, but - not all together and not in such measure.
What it only did not do! He gathered matzo for Pesakh, raised money for treatment of poor people, for purchase of cars for workers if those had nothing them to buy. Collected on the poor brides poor in the young man, old men, orphans, fire victims, cripples, etc. there was he very strongly, frankly devout - and with the son the, very capable young man, all life did not talk after that printed one article in of that time to "Karmela". But exchanged quiet studying of the Torah as it befitted such devout Jew, on difficult business of collecting donations.
Never saw that he was engaged. Even he seldom indulged in a prayer. Saw it only running from the house to the house, from the street on the street. But he deserved big love even at godless Kiev youth. And young young ladies never refused to go on its instructions.
At that time strongly popularity of Mandelshtama* grew. Poor people reached for it from all directions and from all corners. It was visible at once that it is about the most great Jew in Kiev.

Chapter 25
Alexander the Second murder. - Impression what it made on Jews. - Ignatyev. - Dead news. - Cornflowers. - Vasilkovsky Hasidim. - My craft. - "Kiev resident". - "Beat kikes!" - Run to America. - Tramps. - Fear. - On the eve of disorder. - My kind hostess. - Begins …---the Cruelty caused by fear. - In a shed. - Emigration on an attic. - Garret life. - Mice. - Life became loathsome - Mice started talking human language. - Descent from an attic. - Again my kind hostess. - Bitterly we cry as small children. - Disorder ceased. - Victims. - Barracks. - To run from here. - Death of the father and grandfather.
At this time killed Alexander the Second. News of it made very painful impression on Jews. Alexander the Second was very popular among Jews and very much by them it is loved. They called it "the tsar - mercy" and during his reign were ready extremely patriotically what I already wrote earlier about. With deep grief said on it doleful prayers in synagogues and many at the same time cried.
After his death gloomy presentiments, a dead news began to be in the air. Liberal Loris-Melikov was replaced in his position by "well-known" Ignatyev*.
And the Jewish heart felt danger.
I, however, was very absorbed at this time by the wine. Business went, and it was required to receive the certificate of "handicraftsman". And right after Pesakh I went in Cornflowers, the small town of the Kiev province, with the letter from the Kiev rabbi to vasilkovsky that that to me granted the certificate. The Vasilkovsky rabbi was a Hasid, the town consisted of one Hasidim, and Hasidic shtibl where I was later, looked as big bet-midrash. Several days which I spent there were necessary to go to pray to me. But as prayed there! Run one after another, are pushed, clap themselves on a side, on heart, on the person and it is surprising that are not crippled.
The prayer occurs also to a swoop. This goes on: "Render gratitude", another: "Are happy staying in your House", the third: "Then sang...", the fourth: "Yes it will be eternally glorified.... Do not listen to each other. Hazan reads "Sanctity" meanwhile, and all jump up three times: "Is sacred, sacred, sacred" **, and run further.
Has to admit that not once was hit cotton on the head, on heart and on a side, but about anybody for it did not become angry. Jews run, jump, shout and sing - well! Everything is so live.
In one corner speak about Hasidic Judaism, is a little farther - the starikashechka sits and by a high pitched, clear voice Zokhar reads, another - looks in midrash, the eminence - has a senior shames, and around it - young people with gold chains on vests, the representative young owners on a pro-stern who only began to live.
In the shtibl it is even strongly smoked. Hasidim hold tubes in a mouth and popykhivat, the smoke reaches gray threads for beams. But all this can be excused for a heat, for a cheerful hullabaloo, for the vital forces exhaled by these excited people.
In several days I received the certificate necessary for me and left home.
I went in high spirits - there will be earnings, there will be an income, the wife will be silent.
But the Jewish pleasure, as they say, is deprived of the base, and hardly I arrived home as read a dead news in "Kiev resident" - that in Elizavetgrada there was the Jewish disorder.
"Philanthropic" "Kiev resident" specially in detail smeared all disorder - as plundered and beat as ripped up feather-beds and pillows as feathers flew on streets, both noble and philanthropic implication of a black leaf could reach and the child. This implication was:
"Beat kikes!"
"Plunder, cut kikes!"
News of disorder captured fear of all Kiev Jews. Hopes were in a flash destroyed, dreams are broken. And the Jewish forlornness came out as a naked skeleton, in all the awful growth. It was felt that the trouble will not come to an end in Elizavetgrad that other cities wait for the turn, and the first among them - Kiev …
For fear at Jews complexion changed. Backs were strange bent.
What to do?
Other Jews, without differing in special optimism, did not want to wait until come to plunder them and to beat, everything was abandoned and went to America. And when I left them, from my eyes hot tears flew and with a force heart clenched ….
And at once it became clear to us that in Kiev there will be a disorder that Kiev will be valid the first … About it we were spoken not only gy by both his look, but also and the death which is in the air, brick walls, a street pavement …
And we waited … Nothing remained how to wait. Where to run, My God!
Then began to be expressed more clearly. The tramps working at the coast of Dnieper whom in Kiev there were thousands already spoke fluently that they just about will get down to business. Often they boasted of this business, feeling, apparently under legs the firm soil:
"We better will make this work, than in Elisavetgrada". Others went further:
"We will not plunder, only to kill, cut! …"
It is difficult to transfer a condition of Jews waiting for disorder - something scary uncertain, stupidly dangling between death and the intimidated life. Death life, death life. So sheep who are conducted have to feel to cut.
But the humiliation with disorder - the brute, drunk force overcoming defenseless weakness is worse than the disorder. And those who were going to begin anticipated pleasure from the Jewish humiliation, a grief and the pain which does not have an opportunity to vykrichatsya in advance. It belongs to them the street now, they on it loudly stamp, and an ear of the Jews who are running across as shadows, the street, catches the dark and heavy street shout which is still not realized into action with pain:
"We to you will rip up stomachs!".
And fear takes molehills for mountains
And every hour it covers us more and more densely. Having not felt hungry, neither to drink, nor to look eyes, nor to listen ears, nor to move with hands.
Old people lay in beds, and old bones in them shivered and knocked as dry chips in a big fire.
Children refused to play, together with horror in eyes the unexpressed question sparkled. Dear, dear children had a question, but parents were silent …
And then even day became known, but not hour:
"On Sunday will begin …"
I then lived at a certain Lashkerov, the young Christian of years of thirty. Except the house, it had still a tobacco shop and shop of wooden products. Both are it and his unusually beautiful wife, were good, liberal people, and in their house there lived four Jewish families.
These Christian house owners very well got on with the Jewish neighbors and often sincerely were surprised to the Jewish sobriety, restraint and solid, pure life between the husband and the wife.
Having come to us on Saturday before disorder, the hostess at first silently stood, looked round, as lost, and burst out crying.
Why she cried? How to it was not to cry? It was young, beautiful and noble and had the kind soul.
Then it became clear that except tears, it has for us a consolation and protection. For our protection she organized small group from the salesmen and brothers. Their role was - to protect Jews, not to give them in offense. Quite so - not to give in offense.
This goodhearted, humane woman surprisingly touched me. The hot wave of gratitude rolled to me on heart, but I admit: I did not trust it to "army". The instinct said to me that when begins, maybe, and they will be … there goysky hands who can rely on them such minute? …
Those who needed the Jewish blood and property, of course, were exact as hours, and Sunday afternoon began …
Here it! Here it! Here it!
If, maybe, one Jew from ten thousand still doubted, then now he could hear: wild shouts, a sound of the beaten-out glasses, a crash of the broken furniture, a gnash of the forced locks … near us - began.
Shouts grew and came nearer. The sound of glasses and a crash of furniture tore apart ears.
Whether I was disconnected to what my eyes ceased to see, or really so was - but I did not see guards of my beautiful and kind hostess. No guards existed.
Of course, my instinct did not deceive me. And we, four Jewish families living in the house, ran as it is necessary to us somewhere to take cover. Ran with wives and children from our house in a big and dark shed. There firewood, and with bated breath lay, we nestled on mute, cold firewood. Suddenly one of children began to cry. Children are people frank. Heart cries - the person cries. But our eyes - are sharp, and we frighten them the blue bitten lips:
"Not to cry! To be silent! Thugs go! Will beat you - you hear - bi-and-t!"
Children stiffened, having opened widely eyes, with faces, wet from tears.
The child does not know what is thugs, he cannot cease to cry. He cries stronger. Not in forces to calm him, I clamp to him a mouth a hand that thugs did not hear where we cry.
We understand that the shed does not suit us. The attic - is better … suits the Jew more. The Jew loves an attic, and we will emigrate there.
There is our gold hostess and puts firewood an attic door for safety. And we want to kiss it a hand - not with gratitude and not from nobility, and it is rather from vile downtroddenness, with animal cowardice - as the mouse who is just saved from a cat.
Everywhere - cry out and shout, plunder and beat, smash and kill, and it seems to us, we hear the suppressed sobbings of the becoming exhausted, in agony Jews.
So there passed this black night, garret night. Why the hostess firewood put our door? Let we would be interrupted - than to lie, having hidden and, apparently, to hear the remote crying of the beaten Jews - better and more noble to be the killed. But we were not people but only mice.
When this lead and heavy garret night came to an end, and day got into cracks, we looked at each other: deadly pale faces, the stared, bent lips. And we were silent: it was a shame to look arches to the friend in the face, it is a shame to speak.
Small children kept better us: lay weakened, lonely, but in a philosophical condition of spirit, with widely - the opened eyes.
When it is light, we decided to look out through garret cracks, to learn what is created on our street …
I do not know who acted this minute on other streets, but on our small street stormed, generally barefoot sheygeets of years of twelve, with iron rods, Lomami and axes in hands. Looking through a crack at such warriors, there was a wish to bite fingers: fathers of family, silly fathers of family got on an attic and sit. Went to the street, outside! Would be good cause us to throw out from there.
But we were awful cowards and lay on these attics in pain and fear whole two days how many disorder lasted. Minutes of "enlightenment" when as after a severe toothache, the fear fell down a little, there was a wish to grab a knife and to be killed. Such minutes heart supported also innocent children: of course, they were tormented by hunger. Of course, they were tormented by thirst. What to give them?
Suddenly - shouts of thugs are stronger - and again everything is forgotten, the bodily fear attacked again and all completely became puzzled.
For the second night we already strongly weakened. Lay almost without breath, from children no sound was heard: whether they are living, whether died. These marvelously wise chickens understood: now nobody will help them, and were silent.
Only silent sighs of babies were occasionally heard - as if the soul trembled. But nobody was engaged in them.
At dawn after the second night wild rabble-rousing sounds gradually abated. The cat, apparently, left and mice gradually recovered. And right there started talking properly:
"It seems, stopped? …"
"Nothing is heard …"
"It is silent …"
"Came to an end …"
"It is possible to go down? …"
"Wait a moment, apparently, I hear voices …"
"What do you tell?."
"I hear …"
"No, it seems to you …"
"Aha …"
"It is silent …"
"If yes …"
"Is not present …"
"Listen …"
""It is absolutely silent …"
"Sh-sh-sh …"
"And me it seems …"
"I think …"
"I am afraid …"
"Aha".
"It is silent …"
"It is silent …"
"It is silent …"
"Precisely? …"
"It is silent, silent …"
Suddenly mice hear: someone climbs on an attic. Held breath, were dripping with cold, last sweat. But it were the master's servants. Came to report that it is possible to go down.
"You hear? It is possible to go down! I repeat: it is possible to go down. It is possible to go down. It is possible to go down …".
Mice rose, but what walking was: legs as if were taken away. With great difficulty slipped from an attic.
Gathered at us in the apartment. The hostess, her husband and the brother came, having seen us, were struck. The hostess burst into tears … The look at mice was good!
Crying of the hostess deprived of us a last straw of hardness. Heart thawed with pity to itself, to children, and all of us in a voice burst into tears as the deserted children at the angry stepmother.
I do not remember how and when we calmed down. Apparently, the hostess recovered and calmed us. Of course - it on an attic did not lie.
At once were engaged in chickens: distances of an immolok, to tea from a master's samovar which was brought by servants. We, adults, could take nothing in a mouth. The head was turned, as for thousand-year hunger.
Then okolodochny came. Declared that it is already possible to leave that is already silent, quiet, and it is possible even to open shops.
Thanks for a good news. Very kind okolodochny … It is already possible - he told - to go outside … Very kind okolodochny.
As if it was heavy, but I went outside, on a machekhina the street. There it was silent, as after war. My friends and acquaintances, as I learned, got off with a fright - if the fright did not do harm.
From the Kiev Jewish community there were one ruins. It was wanted by thugs, and they quite achieved it as wealthy Jews who were not plundered - went bankrupt, the city looked, as after an earthquake. For several days Jews grew old, and except deep groan, nobody could squeeze out anything of himself. On many streets, in particular, on the Hem, the earth was covered with the feathers which are torn up to pieces by shirts, ware and furniture.
Then on the street groups of thugs who were conducted in a site - some consolation for sick Jewish feelings began to come across often. There is some law, some justice on the bandit, on a blood-thirsty animal. But right there we were convinced that it not so. From sites of thugs released at once, and they with impudent grins turned on streets …
Here it became clear that to hope to us there is nobody (before still someone hoped).
And especially it became clear, it when on streets was hanged out by preventions from the governor: in case of repetition of disorders, will shoot at thugs.
Did not guess earlier …
Disorder was followed by all details - dishonor of women, beating of patients, the broken furniture, a robbery of shops with sending stolen to villages.
From big Jewish shops grocery stores of Rosenberg whose loss reached one million rubles, Brodsky's house where it was plundered without measure and the account, and still some strongly suffered.
All Jews who were left without roof over the head were dragged in some big barracks, there brought the sick and pregnant women who are absolutely killed with fear. Women on snosyakh were especially frightened. It was terrible to look at them. Found time to give birth! To endure labor in barracks, among foreign Jews when there is no place to get to, among groan of patients and awful crying of healthy. The picture in barracks was such that who saw it, it to it as fire, forever was engraved in the memory.
But, as we learned later, the Kiev disorder still became "in an acceptable way". In Balta, Nezhin, it was one thousand times worse. There people surpassed by the cruelty the wildest and blood-thirsty animals.
Five thousand Jews went right after disorder to America.
The mass of Jews directed with wives and children to the pale of settlement - can, there will be a place where it is possible to bend the head quietly.
Earnings, business, life - did not think of it. Aspired only to the quiet place where there will be no fear where will not come to you with the axe and scrap in hands where your daughter will not be disgraced where your child will not roll two days on an attic in deadly fear where you will not turn into a mouse.
It is clear, as I did not want to remain in Kiev any more. Let I in this city will not be. Streets, I felt sick from goyev were opposite to me. I could not breathe the Kiev air any more.
Kind friends advised me to remain. If you are Jew - where you will escape? I did not listen to them. I waved a hand on the Kiev income - the devil take it. Also decided to go to Poland - to Warsaw.
Poles - I thought then (now I think a little differently) - will not smash Jews. Poles - the cultural nation and as the people - rather tested sufferings and fears. Understand that the tragedy of the people means what means to suffer, suffer, choke.
Weakened and broken, I left Kiev. I went to Warsaw one so far. My plan was - to find in the big city some business and to call then the wife and the child.
In addition to all misfortunes which I endured in Kiev: need and sufferings, a flood, fear of a round-up and disorder, also the message came to me that my dear father died that this beautiful, pure and warm-hearted Jew - did not sustain …
Of course, on penal servitude feel better, than he felt in the village, and at the age of forty six years he died. The country environment, wide free fields on which Hasidim do not walk about with songs unfamiliar and hard field work, this constant melancholy for the Rebbe, God and Jews - all this to him pierced heart, and he died away as a bird in a close black cage. Heart stopped. And such young: forty six years. Did not sustain …
Approximately in a year after death of the father the grandfather Aron-Leyzer died. The last several years he lived not in the village any more, and in Kamentsa. Its influence in the town still was big. It is clear, that not such big, as once in youth. In young years it could resist to desire of all community. For example, the city wants one rabbi, and he wants another. And the city breaks itself before its power. Such case was.
When the uncle, the kamenetsky rabbi, died, and decided to take new, big dispute began: could take the rabbi of his son, the scientific Jew. But he was a Hasid. The second son, the rabbi in the Polish town, though misnagid, on. this honourable position it was no good: was for Kaments insufficiently large size. Had besides reputation of the fool. Kamenets did not want it the rabbi. But the grandfather decided to support him - the father was the rabbi, and now let there will be a son though it too not really was pleasant to the grandfather. And here, because of the similar history which happened earlier the grandfather resolutely imposed the desire to a kamenetsky community.
It did not apply any means of fight. Just made one thing: when the Hasidic rabbi arrived to Kamenets said the sermon on custom and it was pleasant, and the city already wanted to appoint him the rabbi - the grandfather did not put the signature on the contract which has to be signed. Exclusively. And still at the same time told:
"I do not want to interpose in the matter of the rabbinate. You can take yourself the rabbi what you want, I, by the way, in rabbis understand nothing …"
After such answer fathers of the city left, having hung up noses, well knowing that unsigned Aron-Leyzera support of the rabbinate - is not provided.
Yoshele who is well knowing the Torah the Jew was in Kamenets certain known in the Jewish world reb once. Said two sermons and very much it was pleasant to the city. On Saturday evening called meeting at Dovida-Itskhok. All owners of the city came to the meeting. Made paper, and all subscribed. The first place, however, left empty for Aron-Leyzera.
Two important owners came to ask Aron-Leyzera that was and delivered the first the signature. He refused.
"Well, so there will be no signature, - owners exploded, - does not want to sign - it is not necessary. Such big expert cannot be missed!"
But between the same angry owners there was one skeptic, he shook the head and declared playful tone:
"Fools, fools and when you did something without consent Aron-Leyzera! Big you without it experts. It is a pity only reb for Yoshele who in vain here was tormented".
Reb Yoshe, having seen that he will achieve nothing here, rose and went with Dovid-Itskhok to the grandfather.
"Rab Aron-Leyzer, - he asked with tears in the eyes, - I did not ask about a payment. It will be that still a payment. Hardly will be enough for bread. Just I want to sit on a chair where such more wise men and righteous persons sat".
The severe grandfather gave up this time … Went for meeting and put the signature. Then laid out a desyatirublyovka for the rabbi …
There was it exclusive maneuver and in some way a revenge as avaricious kamenetsky owners had to give in view of that at least three-four rubles, and they very much did not love it …
The grandfather on the seventieth year died. Many mourned it and much who rejoiced - got rid of such mind, of such power.
It found the eternal rest on a kamenetsky cemetery. He very much loved the poor Lithuanian earth on which he was given birth and when his clever eyes were closed forever, can be the last thought which warmed its blood which is growing cold in an agony was - that his tired body will be based in the quiet, maternal kamenetsky earth …

* Mandelstam Max Emmanuil (1839-1912), oculist, associate professor of the Kiev university. Shaken by riots in the south of Russia in the early eighties, joined in active work of encouragement of Jews to emigration to Palestine and the USA.
* Ignatyev of N.P. (1832-1908), having replaced as the Minister of Internal Affairs Loris-Melikov who was considered liberal in the Jewish environment, carried out so-called. "Provisional rules" which purpose was - to block to Jews access to villages of the pale of settlement.
** Here and further - words from a morning prayer. At words "It is faced by seraphs … Also one appealed to another, and told: it is sacred, sacred, sacred, the Lord Voinstv! All earth is full of glory it" (Isaiah, 6,3) praying pripodymatsya on tiptoe like seraphs.
 



My memoirs. Volume I



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